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Other stories by StoopyDeGunt

Angry torch bearing mob strings up man suspected of starting ‘blame culture’

his parents are nextMounting public anger over Britain’s burgeoning blame culture erupted into violence in Portsmouth yesterday, as a torch bearing mob identified a man who might be responsible. Kevin Simkins, who has a slight stammer and sometimes avoids eye contact with people he doesn’t know, was immediately identified by mob leader Kevin Morris as the ‘evil scumbag what started blame culture’.

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Posted: Oct 4th, 2014
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StoopyDeGunt

Reliance on solar power could lead to wars over sunlight, warns expert

Our reliance on the sun could see the country sucked into unwinnable wars, and sleepwalking into the dark ages

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Posted: Aug 17th, 2014
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StoopyDeGunt

Customer ignoring just got better – with the new complicated electronic till from Brewer-Sharp

customers having to wait up to four-deep to be servedBrewer-Sharp Systems, makers of software for pub tills, has succeeded where generations of video conferencing and meeting room systems have failed. It has invented a simple method for instantly gathering the entire staff of a pub in one place.

‘Simply install a new electronic till in a pub and, in minutes, the entire staff will be gathered around it, staring it as if waiting for aliens to emerge from the mothership,’ said MD Fee Brewer.

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Posted: Feb 15th, 2014
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StoopyDeGunt

Karate expert fails to take opportunity to demonstrate his powers

The Union of Arseholes who do Martial Arts has moved swiftly to discipline one of its members, after he failed to demonstrate his skills on a vaguely interested member of the public.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2010
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StoopyDeGunt

Southerners evoke blitz spirit to defy horrific centimetre thick blanket of snow

London’s chirpy cockneys, chinless hoorays, plucky ethnic types and evil middle class do-gooders united as one yesterday to send a defiant message – ‘mustn’t grumble’.

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Posted: Dec 1st, 2010
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