After years of genetic engineering experiments, scientists have perfected a cow whose meat is so depressingly bland that it has been approved for consumption by the Vegan Society. Their company is now considering starting a “quasi-vegetarian McDonald’s” [read...]
A penitent Lee Ormsby, 41, of Chingford expressed remorse in court and says he now accepts that “gym membership is for life and only God has the power to stop those direct debit payments of £120 a month plus locker fees”. [read...]
As hundreds of turbines stand motionless on the British landscape, the Department of Energy has defended its decision to build giant wind-producing plants nearby to make them energy-efficient. [read...]
In response to demands from a concerned public, the Cabinet is taking action to restrict hen party penises to a length of four feet and a girth of 14 inches. “When the trend started a few years ago”, [read...]
Police insist they are still “keeping an open mind” about Jim Greyston of Kent, who has broken all previous corpse-finding records set by dog walkers. Three months ago he found the body of a murdered hitch-hiker while exercising his dog Toby near Alston Green outside Maidstone. [read...]
