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Articles by sydalg
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Oedipus left traumatised after appearance on Jeremy Kyle
The Greek tragedy celebrity is recovering from having his bizarre sex life examined and dissected by the country’s unemployed after he appeared on the popular talk show this morning. The show saw the most nail-biting wait for DNA results in the its history, [read...]
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Fat people “slowing down earth’s rotation”
Observers are watching in horror as satellite footage shows Earth slowing down and wobbling under the weight of millions of over-eating slobs. Shocked scientists have confirmed that last Wednesday was 32 hours long, while 2021 is set to last until March 2022. [read...]
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American serial killers getting too fat to do it properly
Nearly 70 per cent of American serial killers are morbidly overweight, with many of them too fat to catch their victims, a disturbing new study has found. One doctor has predicted that the only psychopathic murderers left in the US by 2025 will be on TV shows like Dexter and Mindhunter. [read...]
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Man pretends he has driverless car by camouflaging himself
‘My wife always told me my dress sense matched the upholstery of my Austin Allegro’, explains accounts clerk Martin Wear, 49. ‘All I had to do was add the right shade of fake tan, and I just dissolved into the background as soon as I sat in the driver’s seat’. [read...]