In an attempt to soften her public image, Home Secretary Priti Patel is to market her own range of knuckle dusters, flick knives and Japanese throwing stars. One Home Office source explained. ‘A lot of us were concerned that Priti might occasionally appear a little bit tetchy. [read...]
The other day, I got called out to fix a dodgy ball-cock only to find Mark Rylance there already, elbow deep in the u-bend. [read...]
Hampshire based confidence fanatic Alan Scott was left aghast yesterday after a series of gesticulations and random threats of violence somehow didn’t convince his broken laptop to boot up. ‘I always thought I knew a bit about computers. [read...]
Scientists have warned today that the recent rise in COVID-19 infection rate means Britain could soon be facing months of interminable Downing Street coronavirus briefings in the near future. It’s understood that secret plans were put in place several weeks ago to recommence the daily briefings, [read...]
David Rogers, professor of futile entomology at Anthea Turner College Cambridge today published the results of his exhaustive seventeen year study into the uselessness of the common moth. ‘This is my life’s work. Over 2000 pages of analysis and statistics, [read...]
