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Other stories by thisisalloneword

Piers Morgan to make ‘informal’ morale-boosting Afghan tour

Piers Morgan is to make a tour of the most dangerous areas of Afghanistan at the invitation of the British armed forces, which they hope could prove ‘a major boost for morale.’

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2011
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UNESCO recognises Atlantis as World Acceptable Racism Site

The UN body responsible for cultural matters has agreed to select the fictional country of Atlantis as a geographical region, people and religion which will now be ‘considered fair game’ for all manner of racism, xenophobia, and scapegoatism.

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Posted: Mar 22nd, 2011
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Cameron to ‘come down hard’ on Libya, ‘if Obama is cool with that’

David Cameron has shown fellow heads of state that Britain is unafraid to come down hard on Libya and impose a no-fly zone, providing that President Obama is OK with things.

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Posted: Mar 17th, 2011
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Primary schools ‘completely unprepared’ for first generation of Baby Einsteins

non-Euclidean geometry proving to be a bit tough for the other 5-year-olds‘There’s no way we can deal with classroom after classroom of certifiable prodigies. We’re used to teaching basic literacy skills and colouring-in, not advanced calculus and the history of the Bauhaus.’

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Posted: Mar 17th, 2011
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UK disappointed to discover what ‘velodrome’ actually is

Crowds cheered as the ribbon was cut in East London today to mark the official opening of the 2012 Olympic Velodrome. However, the gathered dozens were soon left disenchanted upon discovering that a velodrome is just a curved track for people to ride bicycles as fast as they can.

The angry mob had no united view as to what they believed a velodrome was actually for, although a large majority did express the opinion that it involved futuristic men and women roller-blading and some sort of ultra-violence.

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2011
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