Football has phoned and asked if you wouldn’t mind putting the kettle on, as it’s nearly home and hasn’t had a proper cup of tea for over 50 years. If there are any hobnobs in the cupboard it would like a couple of those too if it’s not too much trouble. [read...]
With most of Britain shivering in a prolonged spell of sub zero temperatures a man from Newcastle has reportedly considered putting on a slightly thicker t-shirt.
As commuters struggled with icy roads and parts of the country remained covered in snow Wayne Riley, [read...]
Investigators looking into the ongoing horsemeat in beef products scandal believe they may have traced the cause of the problem to a short-sighted farmer in Tipperary who was found to have a significant percentage of horses in his herd of ‘cows’. [read...]
Matt Hancock has announced plans to cull northerners in order to ease the strain on the NHS and ensure hospital capacity is available to treat sick, important Londoners. The move comes on the back of reports that patients had been transferred from over-stretched London hospitals to intensive care as far away as Newcastle, [read...]
In the wake of surging case numbers Boris Johnson has updated coronavirus guidance in England to “Do what you f*@king like but don’t come crying to me if you die”. The Prime Minister has also replaced the existing “Hands – [read...]