“Come off it God! You know it’s preferential treatment”.

In an unprecedented outburst last night, the President of the Council of the Non-English Speaking Nations hit out at God.

“We are no daft you know” said Svlatiasdn Drnski from his tent in Central Asia. “How come English speaking countries never getting natural disasters? Tell me that. Eh?”

Mr. Drnski who has moved thirteen times in as many months because of floods, droughts, locust swarms and earthquakes is convinced he says of preferential treatment towards the English speaking world.

“When were Canada, New Zealand, Australia, Isle of Wight, America and South Africa ever suffering His wrath? And don’t give me shark attacks. We get them here as well.”

Professor Trevor Brown of Keele University said that although statistically the ESW is underrepresented in the disaster league it was swings and roundabouts as far as he was concerned and anyway we have the French as neighbours, so there.

Mr Gerald Adams countered this with the results of his study into the Irish Potato Famine. “ Giant cover up! We all know that as soon as we stopped with the Gaelic we got bumper crops the year after.”

In a written statement God acknowledged that on the face of it did look as though there was some bias, but if records were checked it would be seen that in the long run every body gets smote. They just have to wait their turn. And anyway he couldn’t be doing with all these languages with no vowels or monosyllabic grunts. Why can’t they all learn English.

One World, One Language, One God.