Karaoke-based financial organisation Halifax today announced that they are looking to take on the services of X Factor and American Idol judge Simon Cowell to advise them during their latest recruitment drive.

'Our hugely successful advertising campaigns featuring actual staff members from branches across the country have become an integral part of our business strategy' said Steve Griffiths, Head of Marketing. 'To that extent, it's vital that we recruit the right people capable of communicating the benefits of our financial services. Through song. That's why someone of Mr. Cowell's calibre will be ideal for helping us to separate the wheat from the chaff.'

In the face of suggestions that such an agenda is leading to perfectly suitable applicants missing out on positions due to a lack of vocal talent, Griffiths remains defiant. 'Of course they're missing out. Were you not listening before? Take last week, for example. A woman comes in to an audition, interview, whatever you want to call it, who graduated from university last year with a first in economics and whose final thesis has been adopted as the economic model for at least four developing countries. All well and good. However, not only does she look like a Slovakian shot-putter, when she sings she sounds like a stroke victim trapped in a lift. I mean, I ask you - do you honestly expect me to employ that?'