Scientists warned today that fat people were to blame for global warming. “Clearly a fat person eats more, takes up more room on the planet and exudes more methane than a thin person.” However this contradicted earlier research by the Gullible Warming Society who proved that most global warming was caused by the Chinese. “Chinese are small, eat sparingly (partly as a result of malnutrition) and rarely fart.” However there are 1.3 billion or so of them and are increasing at the rate of 40 million every year less attrition due to earthquakes and government cullings in Tibet.

Meanwhile at the London School of Tropical Medicine who released the research blaming fat people for global warming their spokesman, Billy Bunter, stated that a properly controlled diet would benefit all mankind. “It would be a huge benefit to reducing planet temperatures if there were regular famines and we could clear out several million at a throw. He further condemned advances in modern medicine which allowed the weak and the poor to survive. There is a place for black death even in the 21st century, he screamed, as he was led back to his bunker at 77 Wilhelmstraße”