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Man who sent back free The Sun football supplement ‘will probably keep Sky TV’

Never, in the field of human contact, has so much paper been wasted on so many, by so few.Political activist Andy Hutchinson feels he has emphatically demonstrated his opposition to the Rupert Murdoch empire and, in particular, The Sun newspaper, by returning the free World Cup football supplement posted through every British letterbox (except Liverpool) to the well publicised freepost address used by the publication.

Hutchinson admitted, however, that his opposition to the Murdoch empire does not extend to other products such as his Sky TV and broadband package which, unlike the Sun, he admits to finding entertaining, informative, progressive, innovative and also quite reasonably good value for money.

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Man who shared ‘money making secrets’ online shocked as competitors flood market

'Why can't people find their own genius business ideas to sell?'Local man Ken Young was devastated last night after the bottom suddenly fell out of his work-from-home industry.

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Dixons Carphone launch ‘FannyCock’ range

Already weary of dismal stand-up comedians and armchair satirists alike milking ‘dicks on car phone’ jokes, the newly merged Dixons Carphone company has hit back by announcing their new signature range of in-car communications will be branded ‘FannyCock’.

Head of Marketing Theo Holtom proudly said, ‘FannyCock is already a runaway success with pre-orders outstripping capacity, particularly in Thailand and Austria, oddly. We have been asked to bring out a range of phones and tablets for business users so jaded executives can say ‘Ya I’m on the FannyCock today, send me your spreadsheets and I’ll look at them on that’.

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Pharmaceutical companies to promote drugs through interpretative dance

Following a new swathe of bribery and corruption allegations being levelled at Glaxo Smithkline, the pharmaceutical industry has announced that henceforth it plans to promote its products through the power of ‘ribbons’, ‘spandex body suits’ and a judicious sprinkling of ‘jazz hands’.

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Government agrees to ‘gentlemen’s agreement’ with G4S over being ripped off

Whitehall has agreed to allow G4S to bid for lucrative contracts again, on the condition that they ‘don’t make it too obvious’ when they’re defrauding the public purse of hundreds of millions of pounds.

At a press conference earlier today, a Treasury spokesman confirmed that a ‘gentlemen’s bargain’ had been struck, saying that ‘Ultimately, we know the private sector will always provide better value for money than our own bloated and befuddled ways. If we have to turn a blind eye to a few pens missing from the office, or bars of gold from the Bank of England, then that’s just the price we pay for the extraordinary expertise they bring in providing trained security guards for international events and tagging prisoners who are definitely alive and still under surveillance, rather than not really there at all, really.’

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