A great white shark that was spotted crossing from one side of the Atlantic to the other is on its way to hold discussions with the board of directors at the Co-op Bank, according to the head of the expedition tracking it.
With UK banks soon to follow the US in allowing customers to pay in cheques via their mobile, the Treasury has announced that our entire photographic library is to become an acceptable form of payment by 2017. Account holders will regularly upload images of the inside of their pocket, blurred relatives and the occasional photobomb by Pope Francis.
Fans of online shopping will soon see unmanned drones dropping a range of seasonal products upon their heads; with Syria already registering an interest in the express of delivery of 800 tonnes of ‘fake snow’. Chief Executive Jeff Bezos has promised, within five years, we can expect to see ‘Octocopters’ depositing 2.3kg packages on unsuspecting schools, wedding parties and terrorists in search of cut price DVDs.
Mottled 1990s variety performer Mr Blobby was confirmed last night as the new Chief Executive of the ailing Co-operative Bank.
The grinning pink and yellow inflatable would bring to the role of Chief Executive a greater sense of decorum, gravitas and reassurance to the bank’s customers than his predecessor, claimed one insider.
‘We’re delighted to have appointed Mr Blobby to lead our organisation through this difficult period. His name is synonymous with integrity, fiscal responsibility and prudent planning. And he’s thick skinned enough to bounce back from any early setbacks. Literally’.