BusinessBiscuit
In an announcement that will delight shoppers and the city alike, a fourteen-figure sum of Nectar points will be released into the economy to boost consumer spending. Eight billion air miles will also be created, enough for a family of four to travel to RAF Northolt and back (terms and conditions apply), while Boots Advantage Card owners will get a free nail care kit.
Tony Vail, an accounts assistant from Harrow, is facing sexual misconduct charges for carrying a banana through his office in what his victims describe as a ‘sustained campaign of implicit explicit innuendo’.
‘He might as well have just waved a dildo in my face,’ said his victim.
Frozen food producer Wall’s has stunned the chilled treats world by unveiling the ‘Lollipork’, a mouthwatering frozen sausage on a stick.
Flash, the household cleaning brand, has added to their popular range that includes Flash Kitchen and Flash Bathroom with an assortment of products specifically aimed at areas of the home that don’t currently have the benefit of a dedicated cleaner, such as the attic or the utility room.
Encouraged by the success of Lynx Boost (Stimulating guava and volcanic stone extract) and Lynx Fever (Brazilian hot mud and red dragonfruit extract), Unilever are set to launch a new range of shower gels with ever more far-fetched and ridiculous, but exotic sounding ingredients.
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