Britain is facing a heartburn epidemic after stomach-based firemen called a 24 hour stoppage. The pint-sized firefighters, employed by Gaviscon, walked out in sympathy with public sector firemen yesterday, leaving alimentary canals across Britain seriously undermanned.
Upset parents have been calling for a boycott of Airfix after their new 1:350 scale, self-assembly model of the Royal Navy’s HMS Queen Elizabeth was launched without any tiny replica aircraft in the box.
Political activist Andy Hutchinson feels he has emphatically demonstrated his opposition to the Rupert Murdoch empire and, in particular, The Sun newspaper, by returning the free World Cup football supplement posted through every British letterbox (except Liverpool) to the well publicised freepost address used by the publication.
Hutchinson admitted, however, that his opposition to the Murdoch empire does not extend to other products such as his Sky TV and broadband package which, unlike the Sun, he admits to finding entertaining, informative, progressive, innovative and also quite reasonably good value for money.
Already weary of dismal stand-up comedians and armchair satirists alike milking ‘dicks on car phone’ jokes, the newly merged Dixons Carphone company has hit back by announcing their new signature range of in-car communications will be branded ‘FannyCock’.
Head of Marketing Theo Holtom proudly said, ‘FannyCock is already a runaway success with pre-orders outstripping capacity, particularly in Thailand and Austria, oddly. We have been asked to bring out a range of phones and tablets for business users so jaded executives can say ‘Ya I’m on the FannyCock today, send me your spreadsheets and I’ll look at them on that’.