Discussing the many benefits of life in uniform, Captain Wales admits that while his chums panicked, he remained level-headed, took out his service pistol and calmly ‘took care of business’.
Cyclical funnyman Alexander Armstrong has finally come clean, and apologised for his role in a series of Direct Line commercials. In a lengthy interview, Armstrong said he ‘didn’t feel guilty’ about promoting the RBS-owned business, and had been Direct Lining for ‘months, maybe years’. But like legendary Direct Liners before him including Stephen Fry and Paul Merton, Alexander felt under pressure to ‘earn, at all costs.’
Livingstone explained that he didn’t think politicians should be eligible for the honour, but at the same time wanted as many people as possible to know that he’d been offered one.
Newspapers in several European countries have printed scans of the unclothed child of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. The intimate ultrasounds show the still genderless tot relaxing naked in a sac of amniotic fluid.
Musical supremo Elton John has revealed that scientists have successfully made him pregnant, using the genetically modified womb from an old bear. Sir Elton, 65, has barely suffered any signs of morning sickness, although he did feel the urge to hibernate in late November.