NewsBiscuit

The news before it happens…

CelebBiscuit

Washed-up Tyson hoping for one last shot at rape

it'll all be over by the turd... er, third‘I remember the days when convicted rapists got the disrespect they deserved. Now I’m reduced to holding court in the VIP areas of night clubs and making presentations at awards ceremonies.’

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Prince Charles embracing gentle transition from organic farmer to casual racist

As the world media swarms around the blossoming William and Kate, Prince Charles is slowly growing into his new role in the Royal Family.

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Buyers of Che Guevara T-shirts to undergo basic education in irony

The Government announced today that people who wear T-shirts adorned with the image of Argentine revolutionary Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara will be compelled by law to undergo a re-education programme.

‘Focusing on basic history and the concept of irony, the course will address the key thinking deficits that inspired this inexplicable purchase.’

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MPs facing ‘impossible choice’ between two huge fibbers

MPs say they have no plans to call Piers Morgan for questioning over the alleged hacking of Heather Mills’ phone while they struggle to decide which of the bare-faced whopper-mongers they should believe.

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Rebekah Brooks should go now, urges Gaddafi

wave after wave of reprisals expected‘She may well be charismatic, but she’s also power-daft,’ said Gaddafi. ‘I don’t think she can hold out much longer. It’s getting embarrassing, y’know?’

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