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The news before it happens…

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Prince Harry had three confirmed ‘kills’ in Vegas

Game over!Prince Harry has admitted in an interview that his training as an Apache helicopter pilot and gunner was invaluable when it came to disposing of three dead hookers in Las Vegas.

Discussing the many benefits of life in uniform, Captain Wales admits that while his chums panicked, he remained level-headed, took out his service pistol and calmly ‘took care of business’.

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Armstrong apologises for Direct Line adverts

Cyclical funnyman Alexander Armstrong has finally come clean, and apologised for his role in a series of Direct Line commercials. In a lengthy interview, Armstrong said he ‘didn’t feel guilty’ about promoting the RBS-owned business, and had been Direct Lining for ‘months, maybe years’. But like legendary Direct Liners before him including Stephen Fry and Paul Merton, Alexander felt under pressure to ‘earn, at all costs.’

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Livingstone reveals ‘turning down CBE was my greatest honour’

Wondering why Boris didn't get offered one for services to marriageFormer politician Ken Livingstone has announced with quiet dignity on national radio that he ‘jumped at the chance’ to turn down a CBE.

Livingstone explained that he didn’t think politicians should be eligible for the honour, but at the same time wanted as many people as possible to know that he’d been offered one.

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European newspapers print naked Royal baby pics

exclusive to all papers with contacts among the medical staffNewspapers in several European countries have printed scans of the unclothed child of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. The intimate ultrasounds show the still genderless tot relaxing naked in a sac of amniotic fluid.

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Elton John pregnant, expecting a ‘Christmas Baby’

still standing, better than he ever didMusical supremo Elton John has revealed that scientists have successfully made him pregnant, using the genetically modified womb from an old bear. Sir Elton, 65, has barely suffered any signs of morning sickness, although he did feel the urge to hibernate in late November.

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