Prince William proudly showed off his son to reporters again this morning, adding that he had watched the baby having his nappy changed and quipped that the young lad ‘certainly has a very healthy and active digestive system!’
Assembled journalists laughed at the nappy-changing reference, and reported that it showed that the second in line to the throne was just like any other new dad, getting to grips with being a father and adjusting to the very earthy nature of birth and babies.
‘Yes, this morning was a real hummer!’ the Prince added, wafting his hand in front of his nose. More laughter followed before the prince continued in more detail about his new son and the future George VII.
British adventurer Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes has said he’s been left feeling ‘deflated and unfulfilled’ after being forced to call off a three-month nationwide expedition to find a can or bottle of Coca-Cola with his name on. Leading a two hundred-strong team of researchers and scientists, the intrepid explorer finally admitted defeat and abandoned the expedition, conceding that the closest his team came to reaching their goal was finding a bottle branded ‘Randolph’.
Lauren Silverman, whose own affair with Cowell ended when she discovered that he was seeing himself behind her back, claims the TV producer took himself on secret luxury holidays, ‘wined and dined himself’ in top London restaurants, and regularly booked himself into single rooms in 5-star hotels for one-in-a-bed romps. He then cruelly ended his relationship with Silverman by telling her ‘it’s not you, it’s me. Literally’.
Prince William has enlisted the services of gardening guru Alan Titchmarsh, with help from former chancellor Alistair Darling, in a desperate bid to induce the future monarch out of Kate Middleton’s womb by the magic of tedium.