In a surprise move yesterday, Max Clifford’s penis, Justin, dropped his anonymity to come forward at the hearing of 11 charges of indecent assault. Clifford has pleaded ‘not guilty’, and had since claimed his penis is ‘too small’ to cause trouble.
As another celebrity marriage ‘bites the dust’, hundreds of schools were disrupted by industrial action this Wednesday. While the erosion of working conditions and pay may have demoralized educationalists, it is the thought of the ‘golden couple’ no longer being together that has really galvanized the National Union of Teachers (NUT).
In their pursuit to fill the vacancy left by Sunday’s X-Factor winner, Sam Bailey, HMP Gartree in Leicestershire has announced plans to scrap its traditional hiring policies and instead host the UK’s first ever ‘Screw Factor’.
Bosses at the Category B men’s prison have said they were inspired to adopt the more modern and glitzy approach after watching their former employee hit the big time on ITV.
The Royal Family have said they can ‘finally rest easy’ today, after a judge officially granted them a Restraining Order against Royal-super fan and now confirmed stalker, Jennie Bond. The legal injunction, which prevents the 63-year-old from being within three-miles of any Royal residence, has been enforced ‘with immediate effect’, and will ensure that Bond will no longer be able to attend any Royal occasions under the guise of a BBC correspondent.