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CelebBiscuit

All women stop shaving their legs now Clooney is engaged

Massey Pre-Nup 'has never been broken'Unbeknownst to most married men, their wives for years have only been ‘making an effort’ just on the off chance that heart-throb George Clooney would make ‘a booty call’. Even single ladies have ‘ceased to wash’ now that it has been revealed that Mr. Clooney is ‘off the market’.

Reports that he will wed his girlfriend, lawyer Amal Alamuddin, have resulted in women of all sexualities losing the motivation to ‘get out of bed’, remove their baggy comfort t-shirt or restrain from ‘farting in confined spaces’.

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A PR Nursery rhyme

A traditional kiddies' nursery rhyme updated…

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BBC to build new Forsyth in Salford

Bosses at the BBC have confirmed plans for a new Forsyth to be built in Salford. It is thought the new Forsyth will feature newer dance moves and more sophisticated anecdotes about Sammy Davis Junior, while retaining it’s iconic shape. The original Forsyth was a much-loved part of viewers’ lives over the years, with its eccentric 1950′s design and rich history. Performers from the early days fondly recall it’s circular routines and stories which seemed to lead nowhere.

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Elton John to marry himself

still capable of standingSir Elton John is to marry himself in what is expected to be one of the most glittering ceremonies ever seen. The marriage has thus far been disallowed on the basis that he is the same sex as himself, though a change in the law means the Rocket Man singer can now fulfil his lifetime’s ambition.

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Max Clifford’s penis stands up in court

Clifford to bill his penis for getting it 'into the spotlight'In a surprise move yesterday, Max Clifford’s penis, Justin, dropped his anonymity to come forward at the hearing of 11 charges of indecent assault. Clifford has pleaded ‘not guilty’, and had since claimed his penis is ‘too small’ to cause trouble.

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