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CelebBiscuit

BBC man claims ‘Queen touched my knee under the table’

she was majestic, magnanimous, magnificentBuckingham Palace has again been rocked by claims made by a senior war correspondent, this time John Simpson claiming that during a state banquet in honour of The Sultan Of Brunei in 2006 Her Majesty made an inappropriate advance to him when she slid her hand beneath the table and fondled his knee during a speech by the foreign secretary.

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Jamie’s 1-Minute Meals to include cold beans eaten straight from the tin

you could warm them up if you wanted, but that would take longerChef Jamie Oliver has single-handedly banished our kitchen fears and re-educated our palates. Now his newest publication will include spooning cold baked beans straight from the tin into our mouths, and eating cheese slices direct from the supermarket carrier bag before you even get home. One of the fifty recipes featured in Jamie’s 1-Minute Meals suggests randomly choosing a shelf in the fridge and then scooping its entire contents onto a large chopping board before taking it to the table.

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The Sun’s new Page 3 girl speaks

‘I think the paparazzi should leave the Royal family alone,’ says cute Kate, 30, from Cambridge.

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Doctors urge Prince Philip to refrain from ‘Greek’

consortDoctors examining the Duke of Edinburgh in hospital have urged him to practice more conventional forms of intercourse if he is to avoid further bladder infections.

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Queen to begin speeches with ‘Any Americans in here tonight?’

'All the fours, House of Lords reforms...' says her Majesty. 'Bingo', shout LibDems.Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second has turned to top stand up comedy coach Logan Murray to help her inject a bit of levity into her public speaking engagements, after a disappointingly flat performance at the Houses of Parliament.

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