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Wettest August on record sees Thames Water enforce ‘compulsory hosepipe use’

water fussAfter the MET Office announcement that August was the wettest for 100 years, Thames Water has declared a ’compulsory hosepipe use’. The moves comes just weeks after lifting a hosepipe ban that was enforced as a result of the wettest drought since records began.

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Tunbridge Wells fuels first ever whinge-turbines with record levels of outrage

hot air can also be used to heat the patioThe Coalition Government has hailed the country’s first ever ‘whinge-farm’ a huge success.
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Government to make it easier for giant pandas to adopt

‘I find it staggering that no pandas managed to adopt children last year – local authorities must stop delaying adoptions in an attempt to find a perfect species match.’

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Hybrid shark offers excellent fuel efficiency

‘Previous attempts at carbon-neutral sea-life have had poor battery lives. But a fully-charged a hybrid shark would be able to travel up to 800km before needing to chomp on a surfer’s leg.’

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God releases Crab 2.0 featuring forward motion

considering an updated dodo next‘In the old version you never knew if the crab was coming or going, so this is a considerable breakthrough for crustacean technology. However, we have had to compromise the design with a rear-view mirror so they can get used to new methods of navigation.’

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