GodBiscuit
‘We’re particularly proud of the pull-string martyrdom feature. One tug, up go the arms, and Blow-Up Barbie runs forward screaming either ‘Allahu Akbar!’ or ‘Visit mattel.com for exclusive Barbie games and accessories’ before detonating her bomb vest.’
A creationist has confused the whole of the judicial system by insisting the Crown Prosecution Service charge him with ‘threatening behaviour’ despite a complete lack of evidence.
‘In the old version you never knew if the crab was coming or going, so this is a considerable breakthrough for crustacean technology. However, we have had to compromise the design with a rear-view mirror so they can get used to new methods of navigation.’
‘Bible On: Just Try to be Nice’ is expected to top the best-seller list, and has been hailed by critics for its ‘no-nonsense, less preachy approach’.
‘In hindsight choosing 25th December was a mistake. We thought it would be a great time to have the festival – practically everyone’s off work for Christmas and the schools are closed. But in reality people are far too busy eating too much, getting pissed, trying to cop off at office parties and watching the My Family Christmas special.’
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