Payday loan company Wonga has hastily announced plans to diversify and offer unsecured ‘high-cost salvation’ in response to the Archbishop of Canterbury’s recent decision to offer Church of England payday loans.
As predicted by scritpure the event was known instantaneously and worldwide: ‘For as the lightning comes from the East and flashes to the West, so will a Reality TV star be born of the West’ [Matthew 24:27].
UKIP leader Nigel Farage today revealed that he has been instructed by God to build an ark in order to protect sane, anti-European thinkers like himself from the rising flood waters which God has sent to central Europe as a punishment for the incompetence and bureaucracy of the European Union…
God has spoken out for the first time in pretty much two thousand years in an effort to distance himself from the continuing acts of barbarity carried out in his name around the world, claiming non-existence in his defence.
‘Honestly, it’s f*ck all to do with me,’ God said.
Traditionally Popes sign an exclusivity deal when appearing in any syndicated show but the Vatican has made an exception for this landmark event.