GodBiscuit
A creationist has confused the whole of the judicial system by insisting the Crown Prosecution Service charge him with ‘threatening behaviour’ despite a complete lack of evidence.
‘In the old version you never knew if the crab was coming or going, so this is a considerable breakthrough for crustacean technology. However, we have had to compromise the design with a rear-view mirror so they can get used to new methods of navigation.’
‘Bible On: Just Try to be Nice’ is expected to top the best-seller list, and has been hailed by critics for its ‘no-nonsense, less preachy approach’.
‘In hindsight choosing 25th December was a mistake. We thought it would be a great time to have the festival – practically everyone’s off work for Christmas and the schools are closed. But in reality people are far too busy eating too much, getting pissed, trying to cop off at office parties and watching the My Family Christmas special.’
‘We live in a culture where too much emphasis is put on expensive clothes and high-profile brands,’ said Dr Williams, wearing hand-embroidered silk robes and a gold mitre, and addressing his audience from the pulpit of the Church of England’s flagship outlet. ‘It’s no wonder vulnerable people end up following the crowd. Trust me, I know just how easy it is to be sucked into believing cynical claims that couldn’t possibly be true.’
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