The Turkeys of England have narrowly rejected a motion that promised to replace old-fashioned Christmas carnage with a bright, death-free 21st century future, due to strong opposition from traditional wings of the shed.
Former papal butler Paolo Gabriele has broken down in an Italian court and begged to be locked up, after receiving threats from the Vatican to ‘make that scene from Reservoir Dogs look like a Harvest f*cking Festival.’
Hasbro, makers of the famous ‘Guess Who?’ game, has had to increase security at all its offices and factories worldwide following threats of protests and violence. The complaints have come following its release of a special ‘Religious Icon’ edition where they have not included the prophet Muhammad.
Marwan al-Shehhi, who flew United Airline Flight 175 into Two World Trade Centre on 9/11, has expressed his increasing discontent over the conduct of his 72 virgins in paradise. According to the Abu Dhabi-born terrorist, over 60 of his nubile harem are now complaining that he does not ‘give enough time to the relationship’.