The Catholic church is facing the most significant threat to its unity in generations as progressives call on the Vatican to advance the cause of gender equality and allow women paedophiles to be ordained as Catholic priests.
The Turkeys of England have narrowly rejected a motion that promised to replace old-fashioned Christmas carnage with a bright, death-free 21st century future, due to strong opposition from traditional wings of the shed.
Former papal butler Paolo Gabriele has broken down in an Italian court and begged to be locked up, after receiving threats from the Vatican to ‘make that scene from Reservoir Dogs look like a Harvest f*cking Festival.’
Hasbro, makers of the famous ‘Guess Who?’ game, has had to increase security at all its offices and factories worldwide following threats of protests and violence. The complaints have come following its release of a special ‘Religious Icon’ edition where they have not included the prophet Muhammad.