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Pope’s ex-butler pleads ‘lock me up’ after Vatican threatens ‘almighty kicking’

benedictus sanctusFormer papal butler Paolo Gabriele has broken down in an Italian court and begged to be locked up, after receiving threats from the Vatican to ‘make that scene from Reservoir Dogs look like a Harvest f*cking Festival.’

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‘Guess Who? Religious Edition’ criticised for leaving out Muhammad

eternally damned if you do, eternally damned if you don'tHasbro, makers of the famous ‘Guess Who?’ game, has had to increase security at all its offices and factories worldwide following threats of protests and violence. The complaints have come following its release of a special ‘Religious Icon’ edition where they have not included the prophet Muhammad.

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Christian clergy ‘waterboarding infants’ as rite of passage

confessed to everythingThe Christian church was today accused of employing enhanced interrogation techniques as part of a barbaric ritual for inducting babies and young children into the ways of the faith.

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72 virgins starting to nag and have needs

Marwan al-Shehhi, who flew United Airline Flight 175 into Two World Trade Centre on 9/11, has expressed his increasing discontent over the conduct of his 72 virgins in paradise. According to the Abu Dhabi-born terrorist, over 60 of his nubile harem are now complaining that he does not ‘give enough time to the relationship’.

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‘Is this cellulite in an ancient picture of Mary Magdalene?’ asks Daily Mail

princess last week, harlot this - house prices are going to suffer‘Close analysis of the picture shows that Mary Magdalene is displaying obvious signs of cellulite,’ wrote lifestyle analyst Liz Jones. ‘Worse still, her hair is all over the place. Ooh darling, that’s a fashion disaster. Call yourself an icon? You’ve let yourself go – you’re a disgrace to women everywhere.’

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