NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

GodBiscuit

Catholics ‘despondent’ after Rafael Benitez accepts vacant Pope position

he maka da speech very niceWhite smoke billowing from the Vatican’s Fiorentina End chimney this morning signalled a shock turn of the managerial roundabout at Europe’s top institutions of football and religion.

Read more >



Bedroom cameras to monitor celibacy of gay bishops

paid for by generous donations in the collection plateSecurity cameras are being installed in the bedrooms of Britain’s openly gay bishops to ensure that they adhere to the strict new celibacy rules imposed by the Church of England.

Read more >



Catholic church split over ordination of women paedophiles

nothing even remotely phallocentric going on hereThe Catholic church is facing the most significant threat to its unity in generations as progressives call on the Vatican to advance the cause of gender equality and allow women paedophiles to be ordained as Catholic priests.

Read more >



Turkeys narrowly reject anti-Christmas motion

would vote again in ten years' time, but....The Turkeys of England have narrowly rejected a motion that promised to replace old-fashioned Christmas carnage with a bright, death-free 21st century future, due to strong opposition from traditional wings of the shed.

Read more >



Pope’s ex-butler pleads ‘lock me up’ after Vatican threatens ‘almighty kicking’

benedictus sanctusFormer papal butler Paolo Gabriele has broken down in an Italian court and begged to be locked up, after receiving threats from the Vatican to ‘make that scene from Reservoir Dogs look like a Harvest f*cking Festival.’

Read more >