Marwan al-Shehhi, who flew United Airline Flight 175 into Two World Trade Centre on 9/11, has expressed his increasing discontent over the conduct of his 72 virgins in paradise. According to the Abu Dhabi-born terrorist, over 60 of his nubile harem are now complaining that he does not ‘give enough time to the relationship’.
‘Close analysis of the picture shows that Mary Magdalene is displaying obvious signs of cellulite,’ wrote lifestyle analyst Liz Jones. ‘Worse still, her hair is all over the place. Ooh darling, that’s a fashion disaster. Call yourself an icon? You’ve let yourself go – you’re a disgrace to women everywhere.’
‘Shopping for 37 Christmases for all your friends and families is a nightmare,’ revealed Nito, who is still suffering the terrible mental side effects of concentrated exposure to months’ worth of novelty Christmas songs.
The Cubans have a new hero this morning who has given them a new direction, a new philosophy, and a new will to rise up against their political masters and proclaim their rights as individuals in a collective kind of way, as long as it’s OK with him.