NewsBiscuit

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Commuter turf war erupts as Suitcase Draggers clash with Coffee Cup spillers

it's every man for himself out thereA bitter turf war could erupt on London’s train platforms, as tensions rise between rival factions.

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A message from former Nigerian Persident Goodluck Jonathan

I seek a relationship of mutual benefitDear Respected One,

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you…

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Dog perfectly well aware he’s a good boy

also knows he's a cheeky little scamp, yesh he duzRusty, a three-year-old Yorkshire terrier from Esher, has confirmed that he is now completely convinced of his intrinsic moral decency.

The breakthrough came after his owner, Hannah Morrison, 43, had repeatedly assured him he was ‘a good boy, a good boy, a good good GOOD GOOD goooooood boy’.

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‘Why must I do everything?’ cries husband during childbirth

didn't even get a shag later31 year-old Patrick Clark became infuriated today by the extreme selfishness of his wife, Hannah, during the birth of their first child. He claimed that she was ‘totally self-absorbed’ and ‘unwilling to cooperate rationally’ throughout most of the high-intensity contractions.

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Newsbiscuit ‘not good enough’ to be attacked

Despite seven years of ill-considered wit, grammatical errors and excessive references to the Isle of Wight, Newsbiscuit.com has thoroughly failed to offend any terrorist organisation. While masked gunmen opened fire on French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo, the wags of Newsbiscuit continue to churn out ‘half-arsed puns’ with impunity.

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