In his new Channel 4 series, with accompanying book and DVD, Jamie Oliver demonstrates how other condiments can be used to treat frozen surfaces including cracked black pepper and freshly chopped herbs. The government has supported the campaign with Transport Minister Lord Adonis saying that using local ingredients such as sorrel and wild garlic would reduce the nation’s reliance on imported salt stocks during severe winter weather.

However parents at some schools have objected to healthier alternatives being used to on icy school playgrounds. In Rotherham, parents were seen pushing salt cellars and even ready-salted crisps through school fences after their children refused to play football on a school yard treated with rustic French mustard vinaigrette.

Despite the criticisms, many councils have backed the idea and later episodes of the show will reveal how Hampstead and Highgate have now fully replaced salt across the borough with shaved parmesan and torn basil leaves, although it admits it may have to maintain stocks of freshly milled Maldon sea salt for emergencies.

In other news a driver and four pedestrians were seriously injured after a car mounted the pavement after skidding on a redcurrant and balsamic glaze outside a school in Islington.

MitchellAdcow (with thanks to joe harding and evilsuperstar)

In between unprintable comments made during a tour of St Mary’s Orphanage for Transgender Chinese, Prince Philip revealed that the young couple fell in love with the lavish ceremonies shown on popular television programme My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

‘They’ve decided to go full gypo,’ he said, in language which has drawn criticism from the traveller community. ‘Of course, I won’t be letting them use Buck House. I’m rather fond of the gravel drive, and we’ve got more than enough clothes pegs.’

Lisa Ronson, head of the British Traveller’s Association, said, ‘It’s a disgrace this is allowed to go on. We’re a proud people, and the last thing we need is to be tarmacked by association with a gang of freeloading inbreds like the royal family.’

Observers expressed surprise at the new wedding plans, but noted that the gypsy theme, characterised by opulent bad taste, may result in relatively few changes to the traditional service many had expected.

‘They’re already using a gaudy carriage, Kate’s already the colour of a blood orange, and, if you’re looking for spectacularly inappropriate outfits, Will has a bunch of military uniforms that might as well be fancy dress for all the fighting he’s done in them,’ said Queen Elizabeth.

‘However, we understand these events sometimes feature an unacceptably rough courting ritual known as ‘grabbing’, which borders on sexual assault,’ said the Queen. ‘So Harry should have a marvellous time.’