It’s an island famed for sunlit beaches, crumbling beauty and old fashioned classic cars with romantic names. Austin Allegros, Morris Oxfords, Hillman Imps – all ingeniously preserved by colourful locals. Now, after half a century of isolation, the United States has lifted the embargo that has kept the Isle of Wight cut off for over half a century.
The book world is literally ablaze with astonishment today on reading the news that notorious agoraphile and mucky-pup Bear Grylls has stepped in to fill the bird-mocking void left by Harper Lee more than fifty-five years ago.
However, unlike Lee’s dreary black and white yarn of a mute lawyer imprisoned in a bird infested attic, Bear has crafted a complex and touching narrative that explores the positive aspects of racism, class, prejudice, injustice, and how best to catch and consume migrating wildlife.
Roger Jameson, a 57-year-old chartered surveyor from Ryde in the Isle of Wight, who has been suffering with impotence for the last four months, has recently thrown himself into a frenzy of DIY and household chores in an attempt to hide the problem from his ‘delighted’ wife Sheila, 55.
While the eyes of the world are turned towards finding Malaysia Airlines flight MH370, tension continues to mount for Mr & Mrs Nichols of Ventnor who, despite being in the second week of a package tour of the Algarve, are still without their wheeled-travel bags.
More than 20 nations have been asked to help search for the lost MH370 but as yet not one nation has offered assistance to find the Nichols’ fresh underwear, three bottles of ketchup and that ‘sexy something’ Mrs Nichols had a agreed to pack as a ‘holiday treat’.
They have names like ‘Sleepy Time,’ ‘Camomile Calm’, and ‘Lemon Grass Soother’ and yesterday hundreds queued in Shanklin, Ryde and Cowes to buy them legally for the first time. The Isle of Wight County Council has ended its ban on ‘relaxing herbal products’, excluding lavender pillows.
‘We’re going straight home to stick on the kettle and a Peter Paul and Mary EP, and get into this Serener Verbena,’ said pensioners Jeanette and David Smith of Ventnor.