Legendary detective admits game of charades may remain ‘unsolved’
Rathbone Dixon, widely-acknowledged as the world’s greatest living detective, has confessed that a game of charades started on Boxing Day, may never be solved.
DigestiveBiscuit
Dog walking romance still hangs in the balance
Raymond Wilcox, a 43-year old analyst from Bromsgrove, has reported mixed results in his attempts to get a local woman into bed using their pet dogs.
Wilcox met attractive divorcee Anna Sheppard, 37, on the local common when his West Highland terrier Flint started playing with her Jack Russell bitch Molly. The sight of the two small dogs rolling happily around in the grass together prompted other dog owners to start referring to them as an engaged couple.
‘I need help’ says assisted-suicide bomber
A man who wishes to end it all in the manner of a suicide bomber is appealing against the refusal of the National Health Service to help him kill himself and everyone around him. ‘All I want to do is blow myself up’, said Colin Jessop, ‘but my doctor refuses to help me. He only has to pull the cord on my rucksack. But ‘Oh no’, it’s ‘medical ethics’ this and ‘Hippocratic Oath’ that. It’s political correctness gone mad.’
Schoolboy thanks fellow pupils for pointing out his homosexuality
A gay schoolboy from Dorset has today thanked his fellow pupils for helping him to come out. Adam Willetts, 16, had been regularly called ‘bender’ and ‘poof’ by a small group of boys at King Edwards school in Bournemouth over the course of a couple of years, which led him to slowly come to recognise his sexuality.
‘My sexuality was pointed out to me on many occasions’ explained Adam, ‘for example when I was embarrassing myself attempting to play football, whenever I came top of the class in a test and even when I was sitting quietly on my own reading a book. It’s amazing that they recognised these traits as indications that I’m gay. Well done them.’
‘Perfect wedding’ photographs ruined by cloud shaped just like giant penis
The glittering wedding of Tabitha and Gordon Fitzroy was tarnished yesterday after the presence of a cloud shaped like an enormous penis literally cast a menacing shadow over the family photographs.
The wedding ceremony in Shanklin, Isle of Wight itself had gone beautifully, and the guests were in jubilant mood leaving the church, only to be greeted by a gigantic phallic cumulo-nimbus rearing obstinately and unmissably in the otherwise perfect blue skies above them.
