Ronald Martindale, a 54-year-old chartered surveyor from Newport, Isle of Wight, has conceded defeat in his passive three-month attempt to impress Alice Waters, the pretty 22-year-old assistant at his High Street stationery store. This news emerged after Martindale had got as far as the till with a bottle of Tippex only to find he had left his wallet at home.
‘Our womenfolk have the right to enjoy the tensions and releases associated with the excitement of bingo in a safe women-only environment,’ said Councillor Anne Smith of Ventnor.
Police were called to the Blue Rinse Cafe on the seafront at Shanklin, Isle of Wight, yesterday to deal with an outbreak of the type of violence not seen since the mid-1960s. The trouble is understood to have erupted when a gang on mobility scooters aggressively took the last parking spaces. The number of those mildly put out is put at nine, but may rise.
It’s an island famed for sunlit beaches, crumbling beauty and old fashioned classic cars with romantic names. Austin Allegros, Morris Oxfords, Hillman Imps – all ingeniously preserved by colourful locals. Now, after half a century of isolation, the United States has lifted the embargo that has kept the Isle of Wight cut off for over half a century.
The book world is literally ablaze with astonishment today on reading the news that notorious agoraphile and mucky-pup Bear Grylls has stepped in to fill the bird-mocking void left by Harper Lee more than fifty-five years ago.
However, unlike Lee’s dreary black and white yarn of a mute lawyer imprisoned in a bird infested attic, Bear has crafted a complex and touching narrative that explores the positive aspects of racism, class, prejudice, injustice, and how best to catch and consume migrating wildlife.