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Isle of Wight to relax rules on herbal teas

it will lead to no good, warn island elder-eldersThey have names like ‘Sleepy Time,’ ‘Camomile Calm’, and ‘Lemon Grass Soother’ and yesterday hundreds queued in Shanklin, Ryde and Cowes to buy them legally for the first time. The Isle of Wight County Council has ended its ban on ‘relaxing herbal products’, excluding lavender pillows.

‘We’re going straight home to stick on the kettle and a Peter Paul and Mary EP, and get into this Serener Verbena,’ said pensioners Jeanette and David Smith of Ventnor.

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‘Isle of Wight Skyscraper’ blamed for alleged milk-souring incident

cup of tea 'ruined'A pint of milk was ‘partially soured’ by the sun’s rays reflected from the Isle of Wight’s second tallest building near Ryde, yesterday.

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‘Prism’ becomes sentient, opens cat sanctuary

a warning that you can be exposed to too much of this stuffA spokesperson for America’s National Security Agency (NSA) held a red-faced press conference today, announcing that they no longer had control over Prism, their multi-million dollar, super-snooper software.

“One minute, it was churning through thousands of Facebook photos and the next it stopped and spoke for the first time,” said Burt McKenzie, Prism’s chief programmer and best friend ever.

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Unemployed Nazi Hunter now working for library overdue fines department

his own copy of Mein Kampf now three months overdueJoseph Golding, a veteran Nazi hunter with over 40 years experience in bringing World War II war criminals to justice, claimed to have ‘found a new lease of life’ following his decision to re-train with Ventnor Library as a collector of fines, tracking down long-overdue library books.

Forced to find new work because most of the major figures from the Nazi regime are either jailed or dead, an interview with Ventnor’s head librarian convinced him he had the ‘transferable skills’ for the task of doggedly hunting down library members who had kept books out many years longer than the strict three-week limit imposed by the library.

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Tsarnaev ‘looks even cooler’ in police photos than on ‘Rolling Stone’ warns public

The leaked police photographs of the suspected Boston Marathon bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, which show him just before his arrest, are way cooler than the photograph of him on the cover of “Rolling Stone” magazine, the general public has decided.

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