A spokesperson for America’s National Security Agency (NSA) held a red-faced press conference today, announcing that they no longer had control over Prism, their multi-million dollar, super-snooper software.
“One minute, it was churning through thousands of Facebook photos and the next it stopped and spoke for the first time,” said Burt McKenzie, Prism’s chief programmer and best friend ever.
Joseph Golding, a veteran Nazi hunter with over 40 years experience in bringing World War II war criminals to justice, claimed to have ‘found a new lease of life’ following his decision to re-train with Ventnor Library as a collector of fines, tracking down long-overdue library books.
Forced to find new work because most of the major figures from the Nazi regime are either jailed or dead, an interview with Ventnor’s head librarian convinced him he had the ‘transferable skills’ for the task of doggedly hunting down library members who had kept books out many years longer than the strict three-week limit imposed by the library.
The leaked police photographs of the suspected Boston Marathon bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, which show him just before his arrest, are way cooler than the photograph of him on the cover of “Rolling Stone” magazine, the general public has decided.
The 22-year-old from Shanklin was only introduced to tennis just six months ago when his uncle returned from the mainland with a racquet he had found in a hedge, and that he initially believed to be a sophisticated device for dicing apples.