DigestiveBiscuit
Attendees at a town meeting in Freshwater, Isle of Wight, are bracing themselves to avoid taking razor blades to their wrists during the two-second gap between local bell-end Colin Wilkinson telling them he has lived in the town for the whole 55 years of his humdrum existence to date and some teeth-grindingly stupid comment that he thinks should go unchallenged on that basis. [read...]
Sighs of relief today in Western Australia as the source of the ‘hairy panic’ swamping a town was identified as a molting Boris Johnson who has holidaying near the most affected area of Wangaratta. [read...]
Shanklin police have arrested two men after a pop-up sex shop they were erecting in Regent Street exploded, resulting in the death of one onlooker. Three other people were injured as the newly erected structure shot its contents into the air and on onto the pavement in front of a crowd of curious bystanders. [read...]
For the second time in barely 20 years, the Isle of Wight is said to be a state of shock after a student went on a rampage with a paintball gun in his school. [read...]
Ronald Martindale, a 54-year-old chartered surveyor from Newport, Isle of Wight, has conceded defeat in his passive three-month attempt to impress Alice Waters, the pretty 22-year-old assistant at his High Street stationery store. [read...]
