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A group of teenage youths on the Isle of Wight has issued a formal complaint to the local council about the ‘threatening behaviour’ of elderly people within their community. ‘It’s getting intolerable’, said Shane, 13. ‘They take over the bus shelters, shout loudly to each other and even get on the bus without paying. How do they get away with it? Some people even get up and offer their seats to them because they’re so afraid.’
As a finale to the Easter celebrations, residents of the Isle of Wight are putting finishing touches to preparations for the 50th anniversary of the great string shortage of 1958, when supplies of string almost ran out, leaving local traders in danger of having no means of securing their brown paper parcels. Thankfully, owing to a stringent programme of rationing and responsible wrapping throughout the island a catastrophe was narrowly averted, and the event will now be celebrated with a series of street parties culminating in a full-scale carnival.
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The Isle of Wight’s domestic island TV channel has had a surprise hit with its new show ‘Pimp My Mobile Library’. In the programme various librarians from the island compete to see who can soup up their mobile library and the vans then speed around a village circuit dispensing Catherine Cookson novels to local pensioners.
An embarrassed Prime Minister admitted to the House of Commons yesterday that he had ‘mislaid’ the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, but that every effort was being made to locate her.
‘All her details and personal effects seem to have gone missing…’ explained Gordon Brown ‘The headed paper at the Department, her name-plate on the door of the office of the Leader of the Commons; her red box, her official car, we can’t find any of them, let alone the Minister herself…’ confessed the PM to an astonished Westminster.
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