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‘Busty Mayoress Pamela Snips Wet Nurses’ Ribbon’ reports Shanklin Argus’s newly-recruited reporter

waking the deadA crowd of bikini-clad nurses cheered as buxom Mayoress Pamela Outhwaite, 43, formally opened the Nurses’ Social Club swimming pool, writes our new community reporter who has just joined the Argus from a top national newspaper.

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Isle of Wight opens ‘CodgerWorld’, Britain’s first theme park for the elderly

‘Our centre offers the perfect place to keep the island’s key demographic occupied,’ said founder, Margret Briscoe, ‘and is ideally situated just a short bus ride from Sandown’s glamorous benches, bingo halls and fracture clinic.’

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Dog walking romance still hangs in the balance

little poppets never seem to tire of chasing tailRaymond Wilcox, a 43-year old analyst from Bromsgrove, has reported mixed results in his attempts to get a local woman into bed using their pet dogs.

Wilcox met attractive divorcee Anna Sheppard, 37, on the local common when his West Highland terrier Flint started playing with her Jack Russell bitch Molly. The sight of the two small dogs rolling happily around in the grass together prompted other dog owners to start referring to them as an engaged couple.

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Gypsies to ask council to move bungalow dwellers on

'they've got to go!'A community of gypsies is asking the Isle of Wight District Council to force a group of owner-occupiers to move on from their bungalows next to the gypsy site. Gypsy spokesman ‘Stevo’ said that although he had no objection to people living in non-mobile homes, ‘the people on Acacia Avenue, Shanklin are a blot on the landscape and should be moved on to a more suitable area away from our colourful Romany site. Its value has halved since the owner-occupiers arrived.’

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