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Britain’s first set-aside town announced

Government officials have announced that the historic Isle of Wight town of Shanklin has been selected as Britain’s first set-aside town. During the next six months the municipality and surrounding villages will be evacuated, businesses will be closed and utilities will be cut off. The area will then be left to lie fallow for a two year period.

Set-aside is an old farming method where a field is left unused, or fallow, for a period of time to allow the soil to replenish nutrients and thus remain fertile for the next phase of crop rotation. In 2007 a government think-tank hit upon the idea of using this technique to revitalise parts of the country during recession.

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Elderly are ‘threat to society’, say youths

A group of teenage youths on the Isle of Wight has issued a formal complaint to the local council about the ‘threatening behaviour’ of elderly people within their community. ‘It’s getting intolerable’, said Shane, 13. ‘They take over the bus shelters, shout loudly to each other and even get on the bus without paying. How do they get away with it? Some people even get up and offer their seats to them because they’re so afraid.’

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Isle of Wight commemorates great string shortage of 1958

As a finale to the Easter celebrations, residents of the Isle of Wight are putting finishing touches to preparations for the 50th anniversary of the great string shortage of 1958, when supplies of string almost ran out, leaving local traders in danger of having no means of securing their brown paper parcels. Thankfully, owing to a stringent programme of rationing and responsible wrapping throughout the island a catastrophe was narrowly averted, and the event will now be celebrated with a series of street parties culminating in a full-scale carnival.

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Happy Birthday NewsBiscuit! The flowers were a lovely thought, but could we just have the money?

If you’re enjoying using the site as it passes its second birthday, there are several ways you can help support us. From donating to NewsBiscuit, to using the Facebook application, to drinking your tea from a a NewsBiscuit mug – to giving us the a half hearted “it’s alright I suppose” on Stumble Upon. Donate [...]

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Gordon Brown ‘loses Deputy’

An embarrassed Prime Minister admitted to the House of Commons yesterday that he had ‘mislaid’ the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, but that every effort was being made to locate her.

‘All her details and personal effects seem to have gone missing…’ explained Gordon Brown ‘The headed paper at the Department, her name-plate on the door of the office of the Leader of the Commons; her red box, her official car, we can’t find any of them, let alone the Minister herself…’ confessed the PM to an astonished Westminster.

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