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News In Brief
George Bush thanks 9/11 conspiracy theorists for finally giving him some credit
Pete Doherty awarded home hearing after completing court loyalty card
Low voter turnout could mean shock election win for Apathy Party
Chief Medical Officer told to ‘Fuck right off’ by tired people
Scientist who discovered secret of the universe isn’t telling
Teenagers in Protest over Delinquent Shopkeepers
Al-Qaeda to hold Away Day in Weston-super-mare
Wales retaliates by paving over a forest the size of the Amazon
Dr Who complains of ‘ageist attitudes’ on Earth
Inner city gangs ‘turning to trophy wives’
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