A Russian foreign ministry official has today contradicted reports that a list of ‘banned’ politicians was a result of EU sanctions against Russia. ‘Not at all. It is a simple attempt to support our gentrification process by excluding undesirables who are likely to detract from Russia’s reputation as a lovely place to visit and live.’
Medical experts unexpectedly found the vital life sign on Liz Kendall. Her supporters hope this will help bring some much need vigour to her campaign.
Not since VE Day have so many people swarmed the capital, to welcome a new era of Galloway self-aggrandisement. Responding to the pleas of orphans and the hopes of a generation, the ex-Respect MP had declared his candidacy for Mayor of London and cat impressionist to the masses.
Stung by the revelation that its election campaign did not understand the worlds of enterprise and high finance, the contenders for the party leadership have vowed to prove their business credentials. This will start next week, with Yvette Cooper offering her naked buttocks as a cocaine-cruet for Andy Burnham.
‘In hindsight, our campaign lacked the energy that business-minded people can bring to the party,’ said Burnham, announcing the snorting programme. ‘We have overlooked the kind of people who aspire to prosperity, wealth and reckless behaviour involving snorting Class A drugs from leadership contenders’ naked flesh.’