Santa Claus will have an unexpected follower through the skies this year as Iain Duncan Smith plans to visit every house in the UK on Christmas Eve. Using his back-of-a-fag-packet algorithm, the Work and Pensions Secretary will be calculating the present to bedroom ratio and removing gifts from those that have a spare room.
The government’s emergency committee, Cobra, was hastily convened and concluded that the only viable option to get the league back on track and reassure the general punters was to bring in the troops.
In a frank interview with the Economist, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, loveable upper-class scatterbrain George Osborne has revealed that the British Economy is in fact being run by his unflappable Manservant, Smedley.
The acrimony between the Daily Mail and Labour leader Ed Miliband is set to worsen after the newspaper published allegations that his aunt Emily ‘failed to watch the 2013 Oxford-Cambridge boat race’, substantially reinforcing its argument that the entire family hates Britain and wishes us all dead.
Cecil!, the new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical charting the political rise of Cecil Parkinson’s love child, has opened to a rave review at conference sub-plenary breakout fringe session 4 of the Conservative Party Conference this week.