Much to the surprise and delight of the Labour faithful, their leader announced sweeping gains in the US Senate today. Despite being separated by a political ideology and 3000 miles of Atlantic Ocean, Ed Miliband was able to take the credit for the Republican Party’s recent success and for becoming the first British female solo artist to have five number one singles in the UK.
Fiona Woolf has denied using a special feathery hat to divert people’s attention from Home Office and Conservative Party embarrassment. Mrs Woolf stepped down from the chairmanship of the government cover up of child sex abuse after it was argued she ‘wasn’t an appropriate person’ to lead the whitewash.
But Mrs Woolf still maintains she had all the right credentials for leading a complex cover up into a sexual scandal that may have reached into the higher echelons of government, as well as having excellent contacts inside and outside Westminster, and a hat made of black ostrich feathers.
Nigel Farage has outlined a new manifesto pledge requesting the support of British businesses to promote their new ‘Casual Racism Fridays’ campaign, which he hopes to see adopted by the vast majority of UK businesses before the next election.
‘For too long the hard-working English nationalist has had to keep his views and opinions to himself during the business week to avoid being, at best, labelled as insensitive and at worst caught up in corporate disciplinary procedures’, the UKIP leader said today.