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Cameron’s ‘open neck’ approach seals the deal with swinging voters

gets Poldark's voteDashing David Cameron has gaily abandoned his jacket, tossed off his tie, rolled up his sleeves and exposed his fleshy forearms to openly signal that he is right up for ‘doing the business’ with millions of Britain’s uncommitted swinger voters who have gone with multiple parties in the past.

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Miliband dubsteps into the future with style tips from Skrillex

down wiv da kidz, innit, to winnitIn an attempt to appeal to the ‘yoof’ vote, Labour leader Ed Miliband has enlisted the help of well know young person and bass-dropper Skrillex.

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Thousands flee England to escape SNP tyranny

No-one can repulse the 'Devils in skirts'There were chaotic scenes across England today as tens of thousands of people fled the country rather than stay and face up to the prospect of the Scottish National Party taking power. The crisis reached a tipping point as today’s Daily Mail front page headline, ‘Scottish Natzis coming to kill your families and drive down house prices’, triggered widespread panic.

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Hard Working Families to be given extra votes

it's all about getting up again tomorrowNow that the entire General Election revolves around glowing generalities, a cross-party committee of MPs has agreed that greater representation should be given to positive, abstract concepts. So with the last day of voter registration looming fast, all spare votes will be distributed among those impossible-to-prove beliefs such as the ‘common good’, ‘patriotism’ and ‘Britain’s Got Talent’.

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Farage accuses left foot of being left wing

the choice is simple, ask yourself; 'Do I need this?'Nigel Farage has vowed to shoot himself in the foot after accusing it of being ‘a socialist’. UKIP supporters were concerned when Mr Farage started addressing his left foot as ‘Michael’ and accusing it of treachery. He also addressed his right foot as ‘Margaret’, stroking it lovingly in an interview on Breakfast Time.

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