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Coverage of England’s World Cup humiliation to be made exclusive to Sky

punters demanding no hope of ever seeing gamesHaving been saved from much of England’s pitiful performance in the Ashes Tests due to Sky having the exclusive rights, millions of armchair sports fans are calling for similar arrangements for the 2014 World Cup finals in Brazil.

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Uruguay’s new drug laws give England outside chance in World Cup

dope is the only hopeEngland football manager Roy Hodgson has welcomed Uruguay’s decision to allow the cultivation, possession and personal use of marijuana as a potential boost to England’s seemingly forlorn hope of qualifying from a tough group in the World Cup and going on to lose on penalties to Portugal in the knock-out stages.

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Racism to distance itself from football

'They all look exactly the same'A spokesman for racism told of mounting shame and anguish amongst the racist community as the uninitiated continually assume all racist people are somehow involved in professional football.

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Badger named as England goalie for crucial Montenegro clash

hopes to live to see the day when he can play for NewcastleEngland goalkeeper Joe Hart was considering his future today after being left out of the squad to face Montenegro in England’s vital world cup qualifier, and being replaced by a badger.

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‘Concussion not good for you’ discovery shocks scientists

NFL players wear their IQ on their shirtsSince 1920, thousands of American footballers haven taken part in an elaborate experiment to repeatedly ‘ram their heads together’ in the hope of generating an alternative source of energy.

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