NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

SportBiscuit

Football chairmen invest in world’s most expensive merry-go-round

roll-up, roll-up for the ride of your life!The biggest, fastest and most costly carousel in the world has been ordered by a group of ambitious football club owners in time for next season. Set in an unfairground just outside the Promised Land, the new ride will entertain some of the richest football managers from around the world between terminated but lucrative contracts. The owners have high hopes that their merry-go-round will become, and remain for several years to come, a premier attraction.

Read more >



Giggs to wear Fergie mask while he manages United

might try superinjunctions to block poor refereeing decisionsHaving been installed as interim manager of Manchester United after the departure of David Moyes, Ryan Giggs is set to allay fears over his lack of managerial experience by wearing a cardboard mask of Sir Alex Ferguson’s face when he arrives to take training.

Read more >



London marathon runner raises £1m for existential angst charity

'will all these happy people please go away'London marathon runner, Nigel Mortimer, is celebrating this morning after raising £1m for the victims of crippling existential angst.

Read more >



Schrödinger goal-line technology ‘causing more problems than it solves’

Heisenberg corporation 'gave up'The use of pioneering new quantum goal-line technology developed by the Schrödinger Research Institute in Berlin, which was intended to be the most accurate ever, has resulted in a near infinite level of confusion in the German amateur league where it is being trialled.

Read more >



World leaders express concern as Liverpool annex Man Utd

it's for the best in the long runLeaders around the world have resolutely condemned the annexation of Manchester United football club by Liverpool FC despite a hastily held referendum showing 95.5% support among the Man U fans for secession to its more powerful neighbour.

Read more >