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Winner of Writer of the Month – January 2010

admin — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 09:00:41 +0000

The mysterious Darkbill maintains the top spot for a second consecutive month. Speculation remains rife regarding the identity of the dark one. Even the upper echelons of the Newsbiscuit organisation are no closer to solving the riddle. Who are they? What are they? And how many members of the Chelsea team have they slept with?

We can only hope that if he/she/it pulls off the hatrick they will decide to reveal all, unless Matthew Wright inadvisably blurts out the name on Channel 5 before then.

Writer of the Month – December 2009

admin — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:00:06 +0000

So little is known about the mysterious ‘darkbill’ that many have speculated that he/she may be a member of the Newsbiscuit’s own inner cabal, or is the result of a secret military experiment to create a comedy writer impervious to criticism or payment. The truth is that the mystery is much closer to an enigma than that.

It was hoped that awarding the dark one, Writer of the Month, might coax her/him from the abandoned chemical works they have converted into a lair, by use of clever lighting and some throws, but to no avail. However, we do know that darkbill intends to use their mug to fuel their comedy creativity, and, weather permitting, fight crime.

Winner of Writer of the Month – November 2009

admin — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:00:09 +0000

Congratulations to Mary Evans who becomes the first writer to get the ultimate hattrick in internet comedy news parody writing. With seven front pages in one month, Mary also set another new record, and subsequently announced her retirement from consideration for this prestigious award.

Winner of Writer of the Month – October 2009

admin — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 09:00:59 +0000

It took until October 2008 and the award of the NewsBiscuit Writer of the Month title for Neal to add an achievement to his CV to surpass second place in the Little Prince contest which was the highlight of one sunny summer week at Pontin’s in the 1970s. Retaining the title, against even tougher competition than that faced in a holiday camp ballroom over three decades ago, is an honour that tops them both.

While managing to double the number of toddling sons in his house since originally being named Miss October, the struggle for world peace—and against cellulite—is sadly proving more challenging.

Winner of Writer of the Month – September 2009 – Oxbridge

admin — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:47:59 +0000

Oxbridge is Andrew Warmington, who is going to be on Mastermind on 9th October. Andrew set up the Oxford Revue Workshop 20 years ago with Armando Iannucci, Richard Herring, Stewart Lee, Al Murray and others and has barely stopped talking about it since. Realising he was a bit poo by comparison with them, he went into writing about chemicals and bided his time until the right satirical news website came along. In between eating swans for breakfast and appearing on Mastermind on 9th October, he lives in the increasingly crowded cauldron of comedy that is Herefordshire with his wife and two children.

Winner of Writer of the Month – July & August 2009 – Mary Evans

admin — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 16:36:30 +0000

Ever the creative type, Mary Evans contrived her ingenious nom de plume after unearthing an historic text in her loft, later discovered to be her own birth certificate. A journalist by trade, the fabrication of news stories comes quite naturally as Mary roams the wilds of Surrey, accompanied by the two incontinent pygmies with whom she shares her days and most of her nights. July was Mary’s first full month of writing for The Biscuit, a feat she intends to celebrate with a crippling case of writer’s block. She is honoured to be the first female recipient of the venerable NB mug, even when it was presented with a pat on the bottom and a winked request to ‘pop the kettle on love and make us all a cuppa’.

Writer of the Month for June 2009 is The Paper Ostrich

admin — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:20:50 +0000

June was a bumper month for The Paper Ostrich – known to a select few as Paul Peros, a denizen of that earthly paradise called Hertfordshire – who has become the latest to be accorded NewsBiscuit’s – nay, Britain’s – highest honour. Blubbering like Halle Berry on Oscar night, he unintelligibly insists that his mug is “for every nameless, faceless, white middle-class male aspiring comedy writer that now has a chance because this door has been opened”. He is a latecomer to the world of writing for pleasure, having previously viewed it with the suspicion of the peasant. Now convinced that it is not the Devil’s work, he has pursued it here on NewsBiscuit with fervour since 2008, and this handsome reward makes all those years of anonymity worthwhile.

Writer of the Month for April 2009 – Roy Bland

admin — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:16:19 +0000

Roy Bland has lived in West Cornwall since arriving there on the beatnik trail in the Sixties, so what you get is a view of events through a haze of this and that from the bottom left hand corner of the UK. A retired schoolteacher so, yes, he’s enjoying himself for the first time in years. Started writing for the site in January 2009, so he regards his rise to Writer of the Month – after just missing the accolade in March – as meteoric. Agrees with Kingsley Amis that, ‘If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing’, but has to be careful not to alienate his teashop customers. He says he’s ‘delighted and touched’ to be receiving the coveted mug, but is unsure of the protocol for rejecting invitations (especially from Americans) to open fetes and the like.