NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Biscuit Barrel

Winner of Writer of the Month – July & August 2009 – Mary Evans

2358Ever the creative type, Mary Evans contrived her ingenious nom de plume after unearthing an historic text in her loft, later discovered to be her own birth certificate. A journalist by trade, the fabrication of news stories comes quite naturally as Mary roams the wilds of Surrey, accompanied by the two incontinent pygmies with whom she shares her days and most of her nights. July was Mary’s first full month of writing for The Biscuit, a feat she intends to celebrate with a crippling case of writer’s block. She is honoured to be the first female recipient of the venerable NB mug, even when it was presented with a pat on the bottom and a winked request to ‘pop the kettle on love and make us all a cuppa’.

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Writer of the Month for June 2009 is The Paper Ostrich

2357June was a bumper month for The Paper Ostrich – known to a select few as Paul Peros, a denizen of that earthly paradise called Hertfordshire – who has become the latest to be accorded NewsBiscuit’s – nay, Britain’s – highest honour. Blubbering like Halle Berry on Oscar night, he unintelligibly insists that his mug is “for every nameless, faceless, white middle-class male aspiring comedy writer that now has a chance because this door has been opened”. He is a latecomer to the world of writing for pleasure, having previously viewed it with the suspicion of the peasant. Now convinced that it is not the Devil’s work, he has pursued it here on NewsBiscuit with fervour since 2008, and this handsome reward makes all those years of anonymity worthwhile.

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Writer of the Month for April 2009 – Roy Bland

2355Roy Bland has lived in West Cornwall since arriving there on the beatnik trail in the Sixties, so what you get is a view of events through a haze of this and that from the bottom left hand corner of the UK. A retired schoolteacher so, yes, he’s enjoying himself for the first time in years. Started writing for the site in January 2009, so he regards his rise to Writer of the Month – after just missing the accolade in March – as meteoric. Agrees with Kingsley Amis that, ‘If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing’, but has to be careful not to alienate his teashop customers. He says he’s ‘delighted and touched’ to be receiving the coveted mug, but is unsure of the protocol for rejecting invitations (especially from Americans) to open fetes and the like.

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Writer of the Month for March 2009 is jp1885

2354The mysterious jp1885 can finally be revealed as Jon Price. From his lair in the wilds of Herefordshire, Jon (pictured here with his lovely assistant) works on the ‘throw enough shit and some of it’ll stick’ principle, managing to get a handful of sketches on the radio as a result. Following this modest success he put away his pen in order to get married and father a child, before discovering the joys of Newsbiscuit (he was looking for the Joy of Sex but the library didn’t have it) Jon’s writing has been hailed as ‘hilarious’, ‘innovative’ and ‘what are you doing on my computer? Get out before I call security.’ He will continue to write articles and one-liners for your delectation – court order or no court order. Why jp1885? The jp bit is obvious, but the 1885… therein lies one of literature’s greatest mysteries… (Hint: he isn’t 124 years old)

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Writer of the Month for February 2009 is Skylarking

skylarkingSkylarking is a whimsical moniker for Ben Cohen, a humble freelance podcaster from Cyberspace, Middlesex. He currently lives with the aforementioned Moniker and two Jellycat tiger-toddlers.

He declares himself ‘most terribly, terribly touched’ to be receiving the mug; his first concrete reward for tireless years of displacement activity. He has developed something of a cult following over the last couple of years since leaving the Church of Scientology with the negatives in his bag.

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