In a further attempt to force his own personal experiences on all children, hot on the heels of compulsory humanities and O levels, we now look forward to our children being terrorised by centrally appointed bullies.
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Michael Gove to reintroduce school bullies
(17 posts) (7 voices)
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nickb
offlineMember...."Bullying gained a poor reputation during the Blair years," Gove told a conference of educators. "We take the view that it is the natural outcome of a free society. In the real world, powerful figures rise to the top, and we who write humble columns in their newspapers enjoy a relationship in which we quiver and go a bit red and weak kneed sometimes, faced with the sheer magnificence and power of their throbbing sphere of influence. Inspired by great bullies I have personally encountered, I am now experimenting with bullying myself. What I have learned, and what reminds me of my own schooldays is that this kind of assertiveness has to be focused. A woolly bully is no good to anyone. If it isn't demanding physically and mentally, you're not doing it right.
Our new Citizenship O level will encompass humility and responsible victimhood. These will be examined in a brightly lit gymnasium and efficiently invigilated by smartly dressed highly fit young men in suits and ties and shiny shoes. We are currently thrashing out details.
Posted 11 months ago # -
dvo4fun
offlineMemberRight, just letting the first coat dry.
lovely work nick
Is there perchance room for reintroduction of some old bully favourites from the 50s? Bog Washing? Wet Towel Flicking. Acting as a crumpet toast-rack for the senior prefects?
Shame we couldn't fit one of those in for London 2012Posted 11 months ago # -
nickb
offlineMemberAsked whether his plans involve a return to the traditions of wet towel flicking, fagging, and using first year oiks' buttock-cleavage as bicycle racks Gove responded: "Of course we aspire to the standards set by our great Public Schools, with their physical firmness, and great traditions of ritual cruelty. But some of us only managed entry into the ranks of minor public schools, and let us not forget the great Australians who rose so majestically to positions of enormous power, giving humble scots like me a part to play in the free press."
" So yes, our examinations at 'O' level will feature questions on traditional power-wielding, but first we need to establish the dress code for those invigilators, many of whom will have come from the ranks of the military. And gowns for teachers, and heavy blackboard rubbers...Oh God I love this job...
Posted 11 months ago # -
grottymonty
offlineMemberNick, in a Simon Cowell voice, I love what you have done here you've taken it and made it your own. I thought of adding that centrally appointed bullies will be controlled by a new quango called SchooBy, that bullies and assistant bullies would be an unpaid role, would replace ASBO's and count towards Community Payback.
But please, go ahead and repost as your own
Posted 11 months ago # -
RickH
offlineMemberThe things Bullies get their fags to do, from Tomkinsons Schooldays:
"So it was that, four hours later, carrying 200 cigarettes, completely drunk, and with a half-naked, unmarried Filipino lady, I emerged behind the writing desk in the Headmaster's Study; thus simultaneously breaking 257 School Rules"
Can you not work something like this in? Classic!
Posted 11 months ago # -
nickb
offlineMemberI think this is an example of the collaborative, non competitive "sharing" ethos that has, along with the Labour-backed banking crisis, Shakespeare in modern dress and BBC 4 brought this country to its knees. We need the NB leadership to take a firm grip, and bring this to a natural FP fruition. preferably incorporating the yougove joke.
I have enjoyed pretending to be Mr Gove these past two hours but it has taken its toll emotionally.
Posted 11 months ago #
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