Firstly thank you and well done on a spectacular Olympic Games. You have done yourselves proud. You have delivered what many are calling the greatest games of all times. You have shown a level of organisation Hitler would have been proud of, and although many thought that this week you would not only be looking back at the games, but also announcing the completion of the Olympic Stadium, you delivered all of this in plenty of time.
However, we could not help notice that over the past two weeks you seem to have lost something, something money can’t buy and Lord Coe can’t deliver. You have lost the one thing that made you stand out from the rest of the world. I’m afraid Britain; you seem to have lost your sense of self-loathing.
We can pinpoint the moment it started seeping away. About 9pm, Friday 27th July 2012. It was at this point Danny Boyle unleashed a tidal wave of pride that washed over your shores and moved inland covering every person in the country. This was followed by floods of Gold, Silver and Bronze that cleansed you of hundreds of years of self-deprecation. But Britain, we miss the old you and want you back.
Sure, you have produced great music, great television, and great Danny Boyle films, But your trains are still late and overpriced. Your roads are still congested and your general transport network is shit. That’s why the ceremonies started at 9pm for God’s sake.
They were beautiful images of fields, lovely cottages, and gentleman playing cricket you projected to the Globe that night, but you forgot to mention the bulldozer making way for high speed rail for bankers, a burning pyre of ‘mad cows’ and the foreigners you used to loathe eating your swans. Yes you once had an industrial revolution, an industry financed by the slave trade, but now even your slaves are made in China. British industry is not in buildings with big chimneys, but sweatshops in Beijing. Come on Britain, you used to win Gold moaning about these things, but you seem to be forgetting.
We appreciate you have done well over the last fortnight, but that is no reason for your people to learn your national anthem. You now sing in unity where once you were divided. One voice singing God save the Queen, instead of half of you moaning the others don’t know it and the other half saying you shouldn’t have a bloody Queen.
But losing your sense of self-hate is leading to you losing your identity. Did you know even the Americans are saying your crowds are too enthusiastic. This shows not only how you could be losing your stiff upper lip, but how the Americans may even be stealing your sense of Irony. Carry on telling the world how great you are and the next thing you know the French will start calling you arrogant.
So come on Britain. Let’s go back to how it was. The world taking the piss out of you, but not before you’ve taken this piss out of yourself. The Union Flag no longer being something you display with pride, but back to something you display to say ‘fuck off Johnny Foreigner’. And no longer holding your head up high, but lowering it back to it’s naturel position where you can’t look at anyone else in public and shows you a once again ashamed to be British.
Please Britain, we want the old you back.
Huge hat tip to waylandsmithy