The world of sport breathed a huge collective sigh of relief at the Ryder Cup result last night after it was shown that shouting ‘Get In The Hole’ at a golf ball after it has been struck doesn’t actually help.
After the first two days of the contest, many idiotic US golf fans were becoming convinced that they could influence the destination of the ball, and ultimately the trophy, using the power of yelling. However, they were ultimately proved wrong as time after time, the ball refused to go ‘In The Hole’ in accordance with their orders.
The implications for other sports if the morons had prevailed could have been serious. Sports such as football and hockey would probably have been virtually unaffected by shouts of ‘In The Goal’ after each shot, but rugby fans would definitely have had to practice shouting ‘Over the bar and between the posts’ for every penalty or drop-kick. Cricket fans would also need to improve their verbal dexterity if they were to scream ‘Hit The Stumps’ during the ball’s journey from bowler’s hand to the wicket, especially for pace bowling.
But snooker would have been rocked by stupid supporters bellowing ‘In the Pocket’ after every shot and the genteel world of bowls would struggle to survive if fans felt obliged to bawl ‘Very close to the little white ball’ for each wood.
Meanwhile, many US golf fans are today returning to their jobs as porn film directors where their shouted instructions have more influence.