Simon Cowell today announced that his latest ITV talent show will for the first time feature inanimate as well as animate objects as he invites the public to vote for the official best thing since sliced bread.
‘At the moment anything can be declared to be the best thing since sliced bread by anyone. It’s time to make it a statement with a definitive answer and of course full ownership rights for Syco Productions.’
Critics are already questioning if the inclusion of things as well as people will not be a fatal flaw but Cowell’s close friend and long term PR manager, Max Clifford, was quick to defend the concept.
‘People are saying that the show will be uneven and the jump from say a lovely, bubbly lady, down-to-earth, probably works in a supermarket and smells of chip fat, who’s got the courage to go on national television and sing ‘Beautiful’ and dedicate it to a very special little tot she knows, a sick tot or perhaps even a dead tot who died of sickness to, for example, some jam, will stop the great British public getting behind the show but that’s where the judges come in. As well as Simon we’ve got Cole, we’ve got Kielty and yes we’ve got Lee Collins with those four working their magic the show is going to be one helluva success and impossible to look away from.’
After Cowell’s announcement bookies across the country were flooded with punters betting on who or what will be voted the best thing since sliced bread, with porn, The People’s Friend, hamsters, and Mohammed emerging as early favourites.