Children across the world have united in a gigantic global fund raising event to raise £30m to help the BBC cope with the crises and scandals it faces.
'In our African village we raised £25 by charging for goat rides to collect clean drinking water from the local borehole' said 10-year old Mangu Bwotha 'The charge means that people can't eat for the next week, but we do hope the BBC will put-it towards George Entwhistle's pay-off so that he can retire in comfort.'
In a further heart-rending revelation, it has emerged that children living in the most disadvantaged favelas in Rio de Janeiro have raised nearly half a million pounds to pay for the recruitment agency's fees to find the next permanent Director General ' And if he or she turns-out to be useless we'll raise the same again to give them a proper send-off just like George' added 12 year-old Saul Rodrigez.
It was a similar story in Salford near Manchester where deprivation is rife and local youngsters engage in illegal activities. Local gang member Degsy March, 13, added 'We have raised £3000 by imposing taxes on rent boys and drug dealers, a bit ironic really as most of the people they sell these things to work for the BBC in the plush new offices at Salford Quays.'
Over £1m was raised from £5 mobile phone donations in a competition to design the logo for the fund raising event. The winning entry showing Chris Patten, Jimmy Savile and Dave Lee Travis quaffing champagne at the BBC Trust Christmas party was submitted by 11 year old Somali orphan Mo Gumba who said that the 'Logo captures the true spirit of the BBC and how if affects our lives.'
BBC bosses are considering how the money raised can be spent 'Obviously we want to subsidise silver service lunches in the boardroom, and we haven't yet sent Michael Palin to the moon, oh, and we'll probably need to pay some hefty fines' said acting Director General Tim Davie.