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New ‘pet onesies’ make rabbits look like little naked men


(13 posts) (8 voices)
  • Started 4 months ago by Dawsons creek
  • Latest reply from nickb
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  1. Dawsons creek

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    A craze for people-shaped ‘all-in-one’ sleep suits designed especially for rabbits is finally putting some fun into the lives of pet owners. The rubbery, pink, wrinkled ‘human onsies’ make even the fluffiest of leporines take on the appearance of a hunched, naked midget, and are being stuffed into hutches right across Britain.

    “I was quite bored of Mr Nibbles, what with his same-old fur and twitchy nose”, confessed pet owner Julie Richards. “But in his onesie, he’s like a shivering, vulnerable, bare little man.” Richards enjoys the sense of power that comes from owning a nuddy man-bunny, and forcing carrots through the zip in his pseudo-human face.

    The company behind the craze is planning to expand the range for cats, dogs and ugly children, bringing old-man fun to even the most tedious of dependents. “There’ll be some accessories coming soon too, such as glasses, dentures and a smell of cabbage”, explained CEO Howard Shepstone. “But you have to be a little careful, or you can end up being forced to answer difficult questions. For instance, I’ve just accidentally let a real pensioner try and rim me.”

    Posted 4 months ago #
  2. waylandsmithy

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    It's a nice idea, quite like the visuals but...that's really not a good way to end this, trust me.

    How about the CEO explaining that thinking of your pets as old people can make it much easier to empathise with them, and make the owners more comfortable with leaving them in a home, or not sending them a card on their birthday?

    Or dismissing the idea of selling rabbit onesies for adult humans, because he just can't imagine that thousands of people would be that fucking stupid?

    Posted 4 months ago #
  3. Idiot

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    Brilliant, though I agree the last line needs sorting out. How about a reference to 'greasy bum sex' instead of rimming?

    Posted 4 months ago #
  4. Rootin Tootin

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    Yes, it needs a new bottom line.

    Posted 4 months ago #
  5. Dawsons creek

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    I thought about it ending in a confused ferreting, with a ferret wearing a costume like a sad old wrinkly rent boy who turns tricks for a line of sped?

    Posted 4 months ago #
  6. Tess Goes

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    Don't knock it unless you've tried it..
    Trust me - being rimmed by a sad old wrinkly rent boy wearing Speedo's might not be to every bodies taste, but sooner or later we all have to drop our standards xxx

    Posted 4 months ago #
  7. Dick Everyman

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    Very David Lynch....

    Posted 4 months ago #
  8. dvo4fun

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    Yep - settled into a nice rythm of madness now Dawson but for me the tendency for the ball to drop off the lane, just before it should hit the pins, takes the edge off.

    Have you thought of using a bit more spin on it, or even a heavier ball?

    Posted 4 months ago #
  9. Dawsons creek

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    Right I'm trying again at improving the rabbits costume concept thanks to all!

    A craze for people-shaped ‘all-in-one’ sleep suits designed especially for rabbits is finally putting some fun into the lives of pet owners. The rubbery, pink, wrinkled ‘human onsies’ make even the fluffiest of leporines take on the appearance of a hunched, naked midget, and are being stuffed into hutches right across Britain.

    “I was quite bored of Mr Nibbles, what with his same-old fur and twitchy nose”, confessed pet owner Julie Richards. “But in his onesie, he’s like a shivering, vulnerable, bare little man.” Richards enjoys the sense of power that comes from owning a nuddy man-bunny, and forcing carrots through the zip in his pseudo-human face.

    The company behind the craze is planning to expand the range for cats, dogs and ugly children, bringing old-man fun to even the most tedious of dependents. “There’ll be some accessories coming soon too, such as glasses, dentures and a smell of cabbage”, explained CEO Howard Shepstone. Shepstone ruled out making rabbit onesies for adult humans, however. "Why would anyone want that? Surely no grown-up would be that fucking stupid?", he suggested. "And besides, it would restrict access to their anus."

    Posted 4 months ago #
  10. Dick Everyman

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    ....unless it had a flap like mine (cough)," he said

    Posted 4 months ago #
  11. Dawsons creek

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    Would that be a longjohn Dick Everyman?

    Cowboys in longjohns always had a flap but it is missing from the onesie which suggests prudery. I wonder why that is and if theirs a market for aftermarket flappage?

    Posted 4 months ago #
  12. Dick Everyman

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    That's a very philosophical question - at times like this I turn to The Secret Cabal or Gerontius for their wisdom...

    Posted 4 months ago #
  13. nickb

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    Dawson = excellently crazy. Should be encouraged. Mind you I also like dvo's ten pin bowling metaphor.

    Posted 4 months ago #

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