The International Olympic Committee (IOC) voted overwhelming for the people of Japan to be the 2020 'torch bearers' for world's 'lack of faith or hope' in the human race. The victorious proposal not only contained the traditional potential for building delays and budget overspend but also added the delightful frisson of earthquakes, tsunamis and nuclear meltdown.
'It's important that the winning bid starts with optimism and enthusiasm but that then is soon crushed by the wearing yoke of international cynicism'. explained an IOC official. 'Buenos Aires and Istanbul were ruled out as prospective hosts because their political and economic woes are current - there's no sense of suspense. You know they'll be hopeless. Whereas with Tokyo who knows when, where and how the sh*t will hit the fan'.
Tokyo is now committed to almost a decade of global carping, ridicule and Boris Johnson smugness. Prime Minster Shinzo Abe is said to be delighted to spend billions of yen for the honour of having the world's press constantly 'piss on his parade'. However, a long process of frustration, disillusionment and feared incompetence does not necessarily culminate in abject failure or a 'Miliband' as it is known. There are many examples of tenacity overcoming adversity, the people of Japan can easily draw inspiration from the UK's financial sector, US foreign policy or Oscar Pistorius' love life.