Have made some small edits - with thanks to FOAD and Squudge for their suggestions.
In a riposte to President Putin’s aide’s dismissal of the UK as a small country that nobody listens to, Prime Minister David Cameron remarked that that sort of comment and behaviour was only to be expected of someone in charge of such a large country.
“We all know the adage, ‘big car small prick’ ” said the PM. “The same can be said about the relation of country size to leaders' penises. You only have to look at the size of Russia on the map, the endless steppes and the vast landmass stretching across nine time zones from St Petersburg to Vladivostok to realise that Putin must be overcompensating for something. This coupled with pictures of him looking butch riding bare-chested on horseback and half naked while swimming only serve to emphasise my point.
“But it’s not only Russia. Look who runs Germany and France, the largest countries in the EU – Angela Merkel, no dick; Francois Hollande, no dick. The UK, however, one of the smaller countries in the EU is run by me, and I have a big dick. Also, what comes to mind when you envisage our previous PMs? Gordon Brown – big dick. Tony Blair – big dick. I rest my case.”