In extraordinary scenes, the House of Commons yesterday descended into scenes of "grave disorder" as Supply Speaker Craig Timmins, hired from an agency to replace, at short notice, the indisposed Speaker of the House John Bercow, completely failed to control MPs and was described by one senior backbencher as "A complete knobhole."
Mr Timmins, a Media Studies graduate from Hartlepool, doing supply Speakering in his gap year, began Prime Minister's Question Time by asking the Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls to take his trainers off the Speakers Desk. Mr Balls replied "Berky lets us do it." Labour leader Ed Milliband then drew Mr Timmins attention to the fact that Communities Secretary Eric Pickles was making hand shandy gestures behind Mr Timmins back.
As Mr Timmins repeatedly called for order, the Prime Minister, David Cameron, told Mr Timmins "Thats like repressin' us innit? Shoutin' at us an that. You ain't my dad." At that point, the Shadow Home secretary Yvette Cooper accused the Culture secretary Maria Miller of giving her "Evils". As the two MPs crossed the floor of the house towards each other, Mr Timmins called for the Serjeant At Arms , to be told that he was "On his break" and "Having a fag on the terrace".
As Ms Cooper and Mrs Miller proceeded to slap each other and refer to each other as "Mingers" the Shadow Health secretary Andy Burnham flicked bogies at the Foreign Secretary William Hague. When Mr Hague protested to the Speaker, Mr Burnham referred to Mr Hague as a "Slaphead Gayer". By now, Ms Cooper and Mrs Miller had been separated by their respective Chief Whips and Dennis Skinner, MP for Bolsover asked if it was time for break yet as "Old Berky allus lets us 'ave a chuffin' break."
Mr Timmins then told the house that he was "Prepared to wait as long as it took." He then took a question from the Secretary of state for Education Mr Michael Gove, who had had his hand up and had been hopping from foot to since the beginning of the sitting. Mr Gove drew the House's attention to the fact that his Shadow, Tristram Hunt, had his hoody up and was listening to "Bad Boy music" on his MP3 player.
When asked to remove his hoody, Mr Hunt looked up at the speaker with disinterest and told him to "F*ck off" Mr Timmins then named Mr Hunt, according to parliamentary procedure,and required him to leave the chamber. Mr Hunt rose lazily from his seat on the Front Bench and strolled past the Bar of the House,pausing only to raise a single index finger in the direction of the Speaker's Chair.
Mr Timmins then suspended the sitting, assuring MPs that "Letters would be going home" and inviting Members to have "A long think" about their actions. Shortly afterwards Ms Cooper and Mrs Miller were reported to be attacking each other again, surrounded by a large crowd of MPs on Stephens Green who had thrown down their coats to form a circle. Mr Hunt and several members of the Post-16 Education & Training Sub-Committee were seen using a stanley knife to carve the word BELLEND onto Mr Timmins Fiat Uno.