Metropolitan Police Commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe has emerged from a media training session and issued this 'get tough' message to Britain's criminals. 'If you have committed a heinous crime, I promise you this. We will catch you. We will cock up the evidence. And we will compensate you when the trail eventually collapses.'
Top Cop tells crims "We will catch you. We will cock up. We will compensate you"
(15 posts) (8 voices)
Yup - 5* plus additional costs for the distress and inconvenience which I have caused you by infringing your human rights by failing to following the correct procedure in making this award. A full public apology will be issued shortly.
Accuratley sums up Pommie Policing to a T cobber no wonder the crims of the world love the UK it's better than Alladins cave!
Oh, the irony
"Oh, the irony"
Yet another real 'burst out laughing aloud' NB moment. Wish I could give that stars.
The Commissioner is a capricious character. Here's what he had to say when his daughter was late back from ballet class one day:
"If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
"Get away from her, you bitch!" (Nit-nurse got a bit too close for comfort)
"Heeere's Bernie!" (bathroom occupied for longer than the house limit of 7 minutes)
Mr. Hogan-Howe has admitted privately that he watches far too many DVDs for his own good.
He does watch too many films doesn't he?
If only he'd spent more time on the beat
This begs for expansion. This could be the government's advice to those people using payday loans. Or maybe as an advert for left alert.
"Are you struggling to pay ever-rising fuel bills? Have your benefits been cut? Do you want cash without paying 4,679% apr. Well then here at the MET police could have the answer. Just do something illegal, make one freephone call to us on 999, and let us f**k up the rest."
Add a few testomonies and maybe a bonus offer for repeat
offenderscustomers and it could be a funny piece
Have you been injured while taking part in a robbery?
Have you been acquitted on a technicality?
Have you been mistaken for a motorist and been on the end of a truncheon?
You could be entitled to compensation!
Call Mistrials Direct
I think Lens' approach is spot on. Spoof ad leading to incompetent police.
<I just have to say I don't think the police (or any other authority reading this) are generally incompetent, but that wouldn't be funny>
Come come, Sinnick, enough of these qualms. Honesty and integrity have no place in satire
I worked with one London based police force for 18 months and they were very incompetent.
But I'm not going to name them. That would be unfair because they covered a large metropolitan area and have enormous powers (AKA responsibilities)
Name and shame, Ronseal. There must be dozens of large, metropolitan police forces in London with enormous powers. I can think of at least one
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