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Posts Tagged ‘2012’

£100m hole in arts funding nominated for Turner Prize

collectors bidding for the pan it's disappeared downA massive deficit in the budget of the Department for Culture, Media and Sport has been shortlisted for this year’s prestigious Turner Prize.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2015
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Father discovers hallway closed for two months for Summer Playtime

After a council of 8 year olds voted to spend the summer playing at Martin’s house, Martin’s dad Pete has been informed his hallway will be out of action for the next two months.

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Posted: Jul 17th, 2015
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Donald Trump forms his own militia

vowing to restore democracy his own wayWith US gun sales at a record high following Barack Obama’s re-election, American businessman Donald Trump has confirmed that he’s bought most of them, formed his own constitutional militia, and is planning to overthrow the US government.

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Posted: Nov 12th, 2012
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Government ‘all set’ for fortnight of buried bad news

‘We tested the water by announcing a drop in GDP whilst everyone was talking about the start of the Olympics football tournament’, a source close to the cabinet announced during the opening ceremony.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2012
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Unemployed lorry driver, 54, launches Olympic selection bid

With a whopping six hours until the opening ceremony of London 2012, Dave Collins, a 54 year-old unemployed lorry driver, said he was ‘humbled’ to announce his intention to seek selection for Team GB.

‘The big problem was deciding which events to go for’, wheezed Collins. ‘I thought of the cycling road race but my bike’s stuck right at the back of my shed. There’s no point emptying it all out, adjusting the saddle and finding the pump, only to have Mark Cavendish come flying past in the last 200 metres.’

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Posted: Jul 27th, 2012
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