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Posts Tagged ‘2012’

Police arrest man for using unofficial gesture at torch relay

‘Mr Drayton was arrested after being observed making unpatriotic movements with his right hand. He was waving his clenched fist vigorously up and down, in a manner calculated to cause considerable offence to our sponsors.’

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2012
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Dog walking to feature as demonstration sport at London Olympics

Events which will feature in the trial include the 1500m Hurried Early Morning Stroll, the Poo Retrieval Unclean Jerk and the 100m Arse Wipe Across the Hall Carpet.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2012
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Tom Daly forced to compete in his pants after forgetting kit yet again

British diving hopeful Tom Daly has been forced to compete in a warm-up event wearing only his pants, after forgetting his kit for the 138th consecutive time.

‘I’m really disappointed with Tom. He keeps promising me that he knows where his kit is and will bring it next time, but then he turns up trunkless time and again, and is forced to compete in his pants,’ complained Daly’s manager.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2012
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Olympic Torch relay stuck in slow traffic behind tourist caravan in Cornwall

The Olympic Torch got off to a slow start on its tour of Britain after getting caught behind Brian and Cynthia Jennings on the A30 in West Cornwall.

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Posted: May 18th, 2012
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Olympic fag lit

The official Olympic cigarette – a Rothmans – was ceremoniously lit in Athens yesterday, and the smoker will run three quarters of a mile with it before the next smoker gets a light off it, takes a drag and runs to the next stage.

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Posted: May 11th, 2012
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