‘We tested the water by announcing a drop in GDP whilst everyone was talking about the start of the Olympics football tournament’, a source close to the cabinet announced during the opening ceremony. [read...]
With a whopping six hours until the opening ceremony of London 2012, Dave Collins, a 54 year-old unemployed lorry driver, said he was ‘humbled’ to announce his intention to seek selection for Team GB.
‘The big problem was deciding which events to go for’, [read...]
There were large sighs of relief today following news that security firm G4S have been put in charge of organising all of al-Qaeda’s terrorist activities for the 2012 Olympics. [read...]
‘Mr Drayton was arrested after being observed making unpatriotic movements with his right hand. He was waving his clenched fist vigorously up and down, in a manner calculated to cause considerable offence to our sponsors.’ [read...]
Events which will feature in the trial include the 1500m Hurried Early Morning Stroll, the Poo Retrieval Unclean Jerk and the 100m Arse Wipe Across the Hall Carpet. [read...]