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Posts Tagged ‘72 virgins’

72 virgins starting to nag and have needs

Marwan al-Shehhi, who flew United Airline Flight 175 into Two World Trade Centre on 9/11, has expressed his increasing discontent over the conduct of his 72 virgins in paradise. According to the Abu Dhabi-born terrorist, over 60 of his nubile harem are now complaining that he does not ‘give enough time to the relationship’.

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Posted: Jun 22nd, 2012
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‘Bollocks,’ says Bin Laden, staring morosely at bowl of 72 grapes

banana 'would have been nice, at least'The soul of Osama bin Laden has admitted to ‘mild disappointment’ at finding that his reward for mass murder in the name of God in the afterlife has turned out to be 72 grapes, rather than 72 nubile virgins.

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2011
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Trading standards reports surge in complaints from disappointed Al Qaeda martyrs

They blew themselves up, in exchange for paradise. But now many Al-Qaeda martyrs say it is something of an anti-climax.

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Posted: Feb 11th, 2010
More from News In Brief



Virgin shortage blamed for drop in suicide attacks

CIA suggesting prostitutes in the 'here and now' might possibly be more exciting alternativeProspective Muslim martyrs are being put off by an apparent shortage of available virgins in the afterlife, claims a new report. Following the attack on the Twin Towers in 2001, suicide bombings on Western interests saw a massive increase in popularity among bored, young Muslim males. This was attributed mainly to the promised attentions of 72 virgin maidens in paradise for the rest of eternity.

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Posted: Jan 11th, 2010
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