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Extra-terrestrials have today conceded that a decades-long programme of abduction to gather detailed knowledge of human society and biology might have produced better results had they looked beyond suggestible loners with a history of mental health problems.

‘In hindsight, I suppose there was always going to be a limit to the intelligence we could get from a depressed farmer drink-driving his tractor at 2am,’ said an alien spokesbeing today.

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Posted: Sep 1st, 2009
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Social services in Verona have come under fire following the alleged abduction of a 13-year-old girl by a notorious local teenage hoodlum. Government ministers have warned that heads will literally roll if negligence is proved. The girl has been identified as Juliet Capulet, whose family live in the centre of town. Her abductor is believed to be Romeo Montague, who was apparently well known to social workers on the rough estates of Montecchio Maggiore for pursuing vendettas against rich families. He is also believed to have sprayed “juliet iz well fit n i want to shag her 100% true’ on walls around the city.

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Posted: May 7th, 2009
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