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Posts Tagged ‘Abu Hamza’

Abu Hamza ‘worked for depressed kittens shelter’, claim defence

After claims at his trial that Abu Hamza al-Masri secretly worked for MI5, his lawyers have further revealed the radical Muslim cleric’s extensive work for charity. The US terror trial has heard that Hamza was a ‘leading light’ down at the local homeless shelter, giving reiki foot massages to vagrants, and worked evenings and weekends at the ‘Fluffywumbles Home for Depressed Felines’.

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Posted: May 8th, 2014
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Abu Hamza unable to play hooky in US courtroom

Islamist preacher Abu Hamza, born Mustafa Kamal Mustafa, has appeared at the US federal court in New York this week, minus his scary bits. Hamza lost his hands doing something that ‘went down a bomb in Afghanistan’ during the 1980s, however health and safety officials have ruled that he could not wear his trademark hook in court after concerns that he could ‘have someone’s eye out.’

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2014
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Abu Hamza to dodge jail term with Broadway role

It’s thought Hamza Plans shun the stereotypical pirate-based parts, preferring to seek out more upmarket roles in Chekov’s The Seagull and Waiting for Godot, as well as The Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2012
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Abu Qatada to improve public image with ‘I’m A Celebrity’ appearance

looking forward to persuading kangaroo's testicles to follow different ideological route‘Abu is looking forward to eating testicles in the jungle, as long as they’re halal.’

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Posted: Feb 9th, 2012
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New US show ‘Guantanamo Baywatch’ criticised for simulated drowning

SnitchbatchThe new Saturday evening primetime show, Guantanamo Baywatch, has been roundly slammed by viewers and critics for a number of simulated drowning scenes in its opening episode.

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Posted: May 10th, 2011
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