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Posts Tagged ‘A&E’

Driverless car magazine full of A&E tips

Despite criticism of its editorial slant to a very small demographic of middle-aged men with head injuries and a lack of interest in their long term futures, editor Dave Carson said that the driverless car is the future and that number of fatalities ‘has been massively exaggerated’.

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Posted: Dec 16th, 2014
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Waiting times to assault NHS staff ‘have tripled’, finds study

free-for-all at the point of needThe latest report on the performance of the NHS has found a familiar but depressing picture of Accident and Emergency rooms full of people who have waited up to three hours to launch an unprovoked physical attack on a medical orderly or nurse.

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Posted: Dec 11th, 2014
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Love doctors ‘working longer hours than ever’

Oooh! Carry on MatronThe NHS has come under fire after a Panorama programme showed that it is ‘systematically failing’ lovesick Britons by cutting the number of ‘leurve’ doctors trained to deliver emotional and erotic first aid.

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Posted: Aug 30th, 2014
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A&E depts missed targets for selling over priced Wispa bars for a whole year

In a crushing blow to the NHS balance of payments, it has been revealed today that all targets for the sale of curly ham sandwiches and ‘slightly foxed’ chocolate bars from dispensing machines in Casualty departments have been completely missed.

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Posted: Jul 20th, 2014
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NHS resurrection performance slammed

The NHS is failing to meet government targets to raise people from the dead according to a new report from the NHS watchdog Nicene.

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2014
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