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Posts Tagged ‘A&E’

‘A&E targets could be met if we stopped treating patients,’ doctors say

‘We’ve made fantastic progress,’ said a senior A&E consultant, referring to the news that the NHS was missing fewer targets than in November. ‘First we started locking the doors, then we gave everybody a couple of aspirin and told them to fuck off. Most never returned, so they were clearly putting it on.’

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Posted: Jan 25th, 2015
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A&E departments unable to cope with influx of news teams

news crews resorting to reporting on each otherA&E departments across England are struggling to deal with the unprecedented numbers of reporters and news crews that have descended upon them in the last few days. Cameramen have reported being kept waiting in corridors for up to eight hours, and more than twenty hospitals have admitted missing their target of enabling broadcasts to be transmitted from their emergency rooms every four hours.

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Posted: Jan 8th, 2015
More from Health



Driverless car magazine full of A&E tips

Despite criticism of its editorial slant to a very small demographic of middle-aged men with head injuries and a lack of interest in their long term futures, editor Dave Carson said that the driverless car is the future and that number of fatalities ‘has been massively exaggerated’.

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Posted: Dec 16th, 2014
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Waiting times to assault NHS staff ‘have tripled’, finds study

free-for-all at the point of needThe latest report on the performance of the NHS has found a familiar but depressing picture of Accident and Emergency rooms full of people who have waited up to three hours to launch an unprovoked physical attack on a medical orderly or nurse.

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Posted: Dec 11th, 2014
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Love doctors ‘working longer hours than ever’

Oooh! Carry on MatronThe NHS has come under fire after a Panorama programme showed that it is ‘systematically failing’ lovesick Britons by cutting the number of ‘leurve’ doctors trained to deliver emotional and erotic first aid.

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Posted: Aug 30th, 2014
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