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Posts Tagged ‘A&E’

Love doctors ‘working longer hours than ever’

Oooh! Carry on MatronThe NHS has come under fire after a Panorama programme showed that it is ‘systematically failing’ lovesick Britons by cutting the number of ‘leurve’ doctors trained to deliver emotional and erotic first aid.

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Posted: Aug 30th, 2014
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A&E depts missed targets for selling over priced Wispa bars for a whole year

In a crushing blow to the NHS balance of payments, it has been revealed today that all targets for the sale of curly ham sandwiches and ‘slightly foxed’ chocolate bars from dispensing machines in Casualty departments have been completely missed.

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Posted: Jul 20th, 2014
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NHS resurrection performance slammed

The NHS is failing to meet government targets to raise people from the dead according to a new report from the NHS watchdog Nicene.

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2014
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Rise in A&E admissions blamed on swans

‘When I was growing up my parents told me that a swan could break your arm, but that message seems to have got lost in today’s ‘Facebook’ generation’ he re-iterated.

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Posted: Jan 27th, 2014
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BBC reveals ‘some patients visit A&E units only once’

Data obtained under the Freedom of Information Act revealed that thousands of people made just one visit to the same unit in 2012-13. An NHS spokesman said the BBC’s findings on single attendees raised some worrying questions as hospitals struggled to cope.

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Posted: Jan 8th, 2014
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