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Posts Tagged ‘air travel’

easyJet to introduce pre-cancelled flights

you can stay at home and look up your destination on the internet once the booking's completeIn a bold move to reduce the amount of time that passengers spend waiting for flights that never take off, Easyjet are to introduce the pre-cancelled flight. Hours of frustrating and pointless waiting will be eliminated and delays could be made a thing of the past. ‘Flights will be booked as normal with the added choice of pre-cancellation for a small fee,’ said an Easyjet spokesperson for a small fee. ‘Customers will no longer need to wait around in the airport living off overpriced takeaway food and choking on their own sense of injustice.

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Posted: Feb 19th, 2014
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London’s new airport will be underground, promises Boris Johnson

A high-speed tunnel leading to the runway will start at Dover, marked by a giant bullseye on the white cliffs.

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Posted: Jul 11th, 2012
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New legislation states ‘no boarding a plane unless you’re shitting yourself’

Under new government guidelines to counter terrorism, new laws were passed yesterday to make sure that nobody can set foot aboard an international flight unless they are deemed by airport officials to be ‘fearing for their life’.

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Posted: Apr 30th, 2010
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Teenagers on work experience banned from air traffic control

‘You had to get these little planes on the screen onto this, like, narrow strip? It’s not as good as Grand Theft Auto, cos you only get one life.’

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Posted: Jan 11th, 2008
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Ryanair to charge for ‘emotional baggage’

‘Ryanair will have a strict rule of ‘one simple divorce case per passenger.’

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Posted: Sep 14th, 2007
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