NewsBiscuit

The successor to Sralex Ferguson as the manager of Manchester United has been chosen via a series of elimination tests, resulting in many hopeful managers losing any chance of ever enjoying ‘the big time’. Throughout the season, a large number of eager applicants with ridiculously over-inflated opinions of their abilities have been trialled but have failed spectacularly, and been summarily dismissed with the chilling words: ‘You’re fired’.

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Posted: May 9th, 2013
More from Arts/Entertainment, Sport

‘Britain, you were hopeless in the Party Organisation challenge,’ said Lord Sugar. ‘You stood in the corner afraid to talk to anyone, then downed 12 pints of lager, tried to start a fight with France and vomited on your shoes. You really need to up your game.’

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Posted: Jul 20th, 2011
More from UK News

Nick Clegg, the embattled Liberal Democrat leader, has promised that his party will be ‘more like Apprentice contestants’ as the Coalition government enters a ‘more businesslike’ phase.

‘The bottom line is that the Liberal Democrats just weren’t pushy or irritating enough to win over voters at last week’s local elections,’ said Clegg. ‘And as Sir Alan would tell you, in business it’s all about the bottom line. So the Liberal Democrats are going to step up to the plate, give it 150 per cent, think outside the box and deliver incredible results.’

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Posted: May 13th, 2011
More from Politics

The University of Life now requires applicants to borrow £500 to buy a secondhand van and go around selling cleaning products and Amstrads door-to-door.

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2010
More from UK News

Gordon Brown’s appointment of celebrity businessman Alan Sugar to his government backfired yesterday when the star of The Apprentice summoned the Prime Minister to the board room and declared ‘You’re fired!’

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Posted: Jun 10th, 2009
More from Politics