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Posts Tagged ‘Alex Ferguson’

Miliband asks for ten years to fix Manchester United

Time's upIn a bold statement of intent, the Labour Leader Ed Miliband has set out a ten-year plan to reverse the damage done by successive managers at Old Trafford. Whilst many of his critics suggested that a decent centre half and holding midfielder would be sufficient, a Labour spokesman insisted it would take a long-term economic plan to improve results, clone Ryan Giggs and change the word ‘United’ to ‘City’ on the stationery.

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2014
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Unemployed loser mocks David Moyes sacking

A Bristol man who dropped out of school at 14, has never had a job or a girlfriend, lives with his parents and can’t spell has admitted spending the last couple of days poking fun at the former Manchester United manager.

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Posted: Apr 28th, 2014
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Giggs to wear Fergie mask while he manages United

might try superinjunctions to block poor refereeing decisionsHaving been installed as interim manager of Manchester United after the departure of David Moyes, Ryan Giggs is set to allay fears over his lack of managerial experience by wearing a cardboard mask of Sir Alex Ferguson’s face when he arrives to take training.

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Posted: Apr 23rd, 2014
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Absence of Fergie’s wrath ‘may lead to global cooling, possibly new ice age’

Climatologists across the globe have expressed concern that the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson will result in temperatures being lowered across the planet. The impact of no-hairdrying on match days and the elimination of daily assaults against the BBC is expected to reduce temperatures by around 15 degrees Celsius and may lead to icebergs forming in the Red Sea.

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Posted: May 10th, 2013
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Next Man United boss decided ‘Apprentice-style’

time's upThe successor to Sralex Ferguson as the manager of Manchester United has been chosen via a series of elimination tests, resulting in many hopeful managers losing any chance of ever enjoying ‘the big time’. Throughout the season, a large number of eager applicants with ridiculously over-inflated opinions of their abilities have been trialled but have failed spectacularly, and been summarily dismissed with the chilling words: ‘You’re fired’.

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Posted: May 9th, 2013
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