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Posts Tagged ‘Alex Ferguson’

Absence of Fergie’s wrath ‘may lead to global cooling, possibly new ice age’

Climatologists across the globe have expressed concern that the retirement of Sir Alex Ferguson will result in temperatures being lowered across the planet. The impact of no-hairdrying on match days and the elimination of daily assaults against the BBC is expected to reduce temperatures by around 15 degrees Celsius and may lead to icebergs forming in the Red Sea.

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Posted: May 10th, 2013
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Next Man United boss decided ‘Apprentice-style’

time's upThe successor to Sralex Ferguson as the manager of Manchester United has been chosen via a series of elimination tests, resulting in many hopeful managers losing any chance of ever enjoying ‘the big time’. Throughout the season, a large number of eager applicants with ridiculously over-inflated opinions of their abilities have been trialled but have failed spectacularly, and been summarily dismissed with the chilling words: ‘You’re fired’.

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Posted: May 9th, 2013
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Venezuela deny using United defeat to ‘bury bad news’

was denied 'Fergie Time'Critics have suggested late President Hugo Chavez has been dead for weeks. ‘What better way to try and hide the news than when the when world’s attention is on a dodgy refereeing decision in Salford.’

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Posted: Mar 5th, 2013
More from Sport



Manchester United reveal details of monumental Ferguson statue

The 'Beacon of the North' will stare down on players and referees alike.Statue features him in his trademark pose of pointing to his watch.

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Posted: Oct 2nd, 2012
More from Sport



Sir Alex Ferguson complains about extra time at DFS sale

‘It’s a disgrace’,fumed Ferguson. ‘The length of the sale was clearly advertised on TV. We shopped accordingly and, by the end of Sunday, we had a lovely vibrating armchair with head massage settings.’

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Posted: May 16th, 2012
More from News In Brief