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Posts Tagged ‘Alex Salmond’

Scotland invited to make its bloody mind up

there'll be a gloaming in their roamingsEngland, Wales and Northern Ireland, the other three constituent parts of the Divided Kingdom, have come together to ask Scotland if it wouldn’t mind pouring itself a nice glass of Irn-Bru and sorting its head out once and for all. This follows a referendum last year in which Scotland voted strongly against independence and a general election earlier this month in which it voted overwhelmingly for a party whose sole purpose is to secure independence.

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Salmond to run for London Mayor

‘Of course, I’m hoping to become an MP – the expenses are better and with enough SNP MPs in Parliament we can force the canteen to deep fry Mars bars the Holyrood way,’ said Alex Salmond today, ‘but if that doesnae pan out, I’m going tae run for London Mayor.’

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2015
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Nick Clegg launches sinister dating site: ‘Salmond, Farage or Me’

the British public finally has a choice of dirty partnerIn attempt to help voters lose their lunch, the Lib Dems have promoted their answer to C4’s ‘The Undateables’. Offering a stark choice of sexual extremes, Nick Clegg has positioned himself as the ‘moderate filling’, sandwiched between the thick, sweaty slabs of the SNP’s Alex Salmond and UKIP’s Nigel Farage.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2015
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Labour promises more sunshine for Scotland

Mr Miliband has promised that should they vote for him to become Prime Minister, more of the balmy spring weather that the capital is enjoying will be diverted North of the border.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2015
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Edinburgh hails sculpture of ‘huge pair of bollocks’ Scotland will have England by

A twenty metre bronze sculpture of a pair of English bollocks will be erected in Edinburgh’s George Square a week before the General Election. ‘The Bollocks We’ve Got England By,’ to give the artwork its full title, will show a pair of Union Jack testicles being painfully squeezed by a hand draped in a St Andrews Cross flag.

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Posted: Mar 26th, 2015
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