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Posts Tagged ‘Alex Salmond’

Men demand multiple orgasms in exchange for equitable pay

men 'prepared to go on strike' over this, although not being taken seriouslyAs one of the key electoral issues of the Scottish independence debate emerges, men have said they are willing to concede ground on equal pay provided they are compensated from areas of female monopoly such as extended life-spans, wardrobe space and ‘knee trembling duration’.

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Posted: May 7th, 2014
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Glasgow to be ‘nuked’ during Commonwealth Closing Ceremony

'That's one in the eye for Cameron!'A global audience, set to be in the millions, will witness a lavish TV spectacle combining mediocre athletics, the smugness of Alex Salmond and a ‘much needed’ nuclear deterrent. Glasgow is already committed to demolishing its iconic Red Road flats for the Opening Ceremony but has now been given the ‘green light’ to unleash atomic devastation on the remains of the city, leaving nothing but a deep-fried mushroom cloud in its place.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2014
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‘Extremely difficult’ for independent Scotland to join EU Summer Time

Scotland’s time could be running out, after David Cameron’s declaration yesterday that an independent Scotland would be expelled from both British Summer Time and Greenwich Mean Time.

‘It would be extremely difficult for independent Scotland to join EU Summer Time’, said European Commission chief Jose Manuel Barroso today.

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Posted: Mar 31st, 2014
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Irn Bru revenue siphoned off to fund the English economy

made from girders, Scottish girdersScottish nationalists are outraged at the disclosure that the revenue from Irn Bru is being siphoned off over the border. In secret moves by the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats, an order was made in 2012 making the land upon which Irn Bru production plants operate, English territory.

It is estimated that 15% of Irn Bru revenue will now end up in English coffers unless Scottish Independence can overturn the act.

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2014
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Scotland to adopt the Peso

Salmond has hoped to establish a trade agreement known colloquially as ‘The Guano Treaty’, whereby Scotland is to exchange whisky for fertiliser, he also believes that there can be a profitable trade to supply residents of the Atacama with Scottish Water.

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Posted: Feb 19th, 2014
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