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Posts Tagged ‘Alex Salmond’

Salmond to run for London Mayor

‘Of course, I’m hoping to become an MP – the expenses are better and with enough SNP MPs in Parliament we can force the canteen to deep fry Mars bars the Holyrood way,’ said Alex Salmond today, ‘but if that doesnae pan out, I’m going tae run for London Mayor.’

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2015
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Nick Clegg launches sinister dating site: ‘Salmond, Farage or Me’

the British public finally has a choice of dirty partnerIn attempt to help voters lose their lunch, the Lib Dems have promoted their answer to C4’s ‘The Undateables’. Offering a stark choice of sexual extremes, Nick Clegg has positioned himself as the ‘moderate filling’, sandwiched between the thick, sweaty slabs of the SNP’s Alex Salmond and UKIP’s Nigel Farage.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2015
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Labour promises more sunshine for Scotland

Mr Miliband has promised that should they vote for him to become Prime Minister, more of the balmy spring weather that the capital is enjoying will be diverted North of the border.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2015
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Edinburgh hails sculpture of ‘huge pair of bollocks’ Scotland will have England by

A twenty metre bronze sculpture of a pair of English bollocks will be erected in Edinburgh’s George Square a week before the General Election. ‘The Bollocks We’ve Got England By,’ to give the artwork its full title, will show a pair of Union Jack testicles being painfully squeezed by a hand draped in a St Andrews Cross flag.

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Posted: Mar 26th, 2015
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Chimp facing prospect of losing safest Labour seat in Scotland

set to be replaced by SNP marmosetChico the Chimp, a chimpanzee who has represented the constituency of Fife South as a Labour MP since 1997 could be set to lose the party’s safest Scottish seat, according to the latest opinion polls which suggest that his majority of over 23,000 at the 2010 General Election is set to be overturned by the SNP in the May 7th general election.

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Posted: Mar 8th, 2015
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